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| THE LIGHT ENTHRALLED BY THE DARKNESS | | | | | | | | |
| Chapter 32 - "Jealousy" | | | | Translation: Severus_divides_into_H
Beta Reader: Freakitten (Bree) & KneazleGriff
Thank you girls!
32. Jealousy
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you*
On Saturday, during breakfast, Ron and Hermione started discussing the upcoming holidays, so Harry could safely indulge in his own thoughts.
He could still feel Severus' touch on his cheek, and from time to time he found himself touching his own face, as if expecting to find the cold, rough fingers slipping right out from under his hands.
Yesterday, he had managed to return to the Common room at the last minute, because Ginny had already mobilized Ron, Hermione, and Neville, where Harry had almost bumped into them at the entrance of the Gryffindor's chambers. Ginny said that Harry was behaving as if he were possessed, or enchanted, so he had to think fast to offer an explanation. In the end, he told them that he'd just wanted to go to the toilet and had gotten stuck there because of Filch. He told himself that at least some of it was true.
Hermione didn't believe his story about tripping and bloodying his ankle, but she didn't ask questions, and did everything she could to treat him. Ron hardly spoke, casting suspicious glances at both him and Ginny. Harry was fed up with it, and expressed this to Ron, making it clear that he wasn't going to explain anything. He was getting increasingly frustrated with Ron's absolute obsession and possessiveness of his sister. After all, Ginny wasn't a child and she could go out with whomever she wanted, yet Ron was making her hide.
Harry knew the feeling. Except-- he really had reasons to hide. Real reasons. If Ginny had decided to insist, if she defied Ron, she could have come to the Christmas party with her mysterious boyfriend and nobody, absolutely nobody, except Ron, of course, would look at her in askance. Harry had no such chance. He could already imagine the faces of his friends, had he brought Severus with him...
Apparently, they would always have to hide. Harry would forever have to go everywhere alone. Luna wouldn't cover for him for a lifetime...
A lifetime?
He blushed slightly when he realized what he had just thought about, and quickly threw it away from his mind. It was too early to think about that. For now, he couldn't even be sure what the next day held, let alone a... "lifetime."
Besides, Snape would prefer to listen to Trelawney’s prophecies all day long, sipping her sugary flavored teas, than to go with him to a students' event, especially one organized by the "pink-haired ignorant".
Harry smiled to himself, imagining Severus's face had he offered for him to go along, but he kept his smile veiled.
"We'll have a great time, right, Harry?" Ron asked, snatching him from the depths of his thoughts. "Ten days without classes, without tests and homework. And most importantly, ten days without Snape," he grinned and patted him on the shoulder. "Isn't that a wonderful vision?"
'Of course not, you idiot,' Harry thought, feeling suddenly angry at his friend.
"We will have a great time, and he will be all on his lonesome in that dark dungeon of his, and I bet he will curse us all, because there won't be anyone around for him to take his anger out on. Instead, he’ll likely take his fury out on the house-elves. Ha! He deserves it, the greasy bastard!" Ron began to giggle, not noticing Hermione's disapproving glance. Harry felt something an icy clench around his heart.
He knew that, most likely, he would have to leave Hogwarts for the Christmas holiday. He remembered that he had always enjoyed such trips, enjoyed the opportunity to spend Christmas with the Weasleys, Hermione, and Ginny... But, now? Now, he had the impression that it would feel akin to the biggest punishment possible. No, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to spend his holidays with Severus. It was his dream. He couldn't leave him here alone. Ron was right. Snape probably always spent Christmas alone. And because of that, he never really celebrated it. He didn't have anyone with whom he could spend it, anyone who wanted to spend this holiday with him.
But that has changed. Now he has Harry.
"What do you think," Ron continued, smiling maliciously, "has that slimy asshole ever gotten at least one gift from someone?" Harry winced. He tried, but failed to listen to Ron humiliating Severus with a straight face. With every word, he felt a growing anger towards his friend and he couldn't stop it. "Ha-ha, probably not. Who would want to give him gifts? The only thing he deserves is a handbag of Dungbombs. Maybe I will ask Fred and George to send him one? The one with trigger mechanism, that shoots when opened. Ha-ha-ha! Can you imagine?"
"You won't do that," Harry hissed angrily, feeling that any second, he would punch Ron. His friends looked at him with surprise. Fortunately, the Gryffindor was still sober enough to immediately understand what he had said and quickly remedied his statement. "I mean... he would guess who it was from, he's not a fool. And when the Christmas break is over, and we come to Hogwarts, he will destroy you. He'll just bury you, Ron. I'm just giving you good advice," he added, although, truthfully, the only thing he wanted to give him was a blow to the face.
He liked Ron, he liked his company. But sometimes he annoyed him so much that he could hardly refrain from getting up and going anywhere but where he was, away from him and his idiotic rants. Or from telling him something that he would later regret. Especially when Ron fell into his "Snape is a disgusting, foul bastard" routine.
Ron frowned and sighed heavily.
"I think you're right, Harry... Oh, but it would have been so funny..."
Hermione shook her head in pity and turned to Harry:
"You’re coming with us to Tonks’ party, right?"
Harry nodded, staring at the table. He still felt a burning anger inside. At Ron, for what he'd said about Snape. At Hermione, who hadn't stopped him. At the Weasleys, who every year invited him to spend Christmas with them. And finally at himself, because he had no idea how to escape this. He couldn't just say that he didn't want to spend Christmas with them, because they'd bombard him with questions, asking “Why?” and he couldn't reveal the truth.
So what could he do?
He would have to come up with something. And very quickly!
Could he deliberately break his leg?
No, Pomfrey would fix him up immediately...
Think. Think!
"Harry!" He heard Hermione's voice. "An owl is here for you."
The Gryffindor broke away from his thoughts and looked at the screech-owl eyeing him. It had apparently landed in Ron's breakfast, and Ron, calling it a 'nasty bird', tried to banish it from his scrambled eggs. Harry barely concealed his smile. He immediately liked the owl.
"What is it?" Hermione asked, when the boy pulled out a small piece of paper from owl's beak and unfolded it.
Harry, after breakfast, please come to my office. I'd like to talk to you. Password: "buttercream candy cane."
Albus Dumbledore
"It's from Dumbledore. He wants to meet with me today," he said, frowning and wondering what the Headmaster could want from him.
He looked around the Great Hall. Dumbledore wasn't at breakfast. Severus wasn't there either, but in his case, it was a common occurrence. Surely he was just busy working in the lab and hadn't time to eat. It seemed, Harry noted, that he would have to take care of his meals and force-feed them to him in the future.
He was no longer hungry, so he could go to the Headmaster now. Anyway, he wouldn't be able to swallow anything - he was already feeling excited and a bit worried about the meeting.
Harry pushed the plate aside and, with a hurried "see you", quickly left the Great Hall to make his way to the headmaster's office.
When he got up there and passed by the chimera, he knocked gently and waited a moment for a call to enter. As he did, he found Dumbledore bent over one of his complicated-looking pieces of equipment.
"Oh, Harry, I didn't think you would turn up so soon. I don't want to waste too much of your time, I'm sure you have more interesting plans for today. Sit down."
The boy obeyed. Dumbledore behaved politely as usual and didn't look at him with disapproval, so certainly it wasn't about him and Snape. Harry breathed a sigh of relief and only now realized how tense he'd been.
The Headmaster sat down behind his desk and folded his hands on the mahogany counter, looking at him over his spectacles. Wrinkled eyelids almost completely hid the now faded blue eyes, and the sparks of amusement, formerly twinkling in them, now looked like a dark, burned wounds.
Harry felt an indefinite uneasiness. Although the Headmaster was trying to act as if everything were normal, in every gesture he could still see fatigue and resignation. It must have been really bad. But he wanted, at any price, to keep up appearances.
"Would you like some lemon drops, Harry?"
The boy blinked, surprised by this sudden question.
"Uh... No, thank you." He attempted the faintest smile.
"I called you here because I want to talk to you about your holiday plans. I know, that like every year, you have been invited to the home of the Weasleys, and I know how much you enjoy the opportunity to spend Christmas with your friends, but in these circumstances... I am forced to ask you to rethink this decision."
The boy frowned, not understanding what the Headmaster meant, but having a vague feeling that he could begin to see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel.
"You can probably guess that the world outside of Hogwarts is no longer as safe as before, and Voldemort has spies everywhere. Molly and Arthur are great wizards, but I'm afraid that they won't be able to provide you with adequate security, if Voldemort finds out where you are and discovers a way to break the protection spells that create the barrier around their home. Therefore, I would like to ask you to think about it and to decide whether or not you really want to go enough to risk this much. I would be much calmer if you were to stay at Hogwarts. I understand if you refuse, I'm sure you'd rather spend your holidays in the company of loved ones, but it's for your own good, Harry. Think about it."
Harry felt dizzy.
Did he want to stay at Hogwarts?
Of course he did!
With difficulty he managed to prevent the smile from appearing on his mouth.
No, he had to look chagrined. Upset, but firm, resigned to his fate.
"I decided, Professor. You are right, sir. Here, I'll be safer. I will stay. I guess I have no other choice."
"I am glad that you understand, my boy." The Headmaster looked as though he felt a distinct relief. "Of course, if you wish, you can ask your friends to keep you company. I might consider the possibility of Weasleys coming to Hogwarts - if they'd like to - but..."
"No, don't!" Harry almost jumped up from his chair. "I mean... I don't want to spoil their Christmas. I'm sure they already have lots of plans. I don't want to inconvenience them. And I know them well enough to understand that they will probably try to come here, but I hope you won't let them. Please. I can't bear thinking that I might spoil their holidays. Hermione and Ron will probably also want to stay with me, but try to convince them to leave. They will listen to you, sir. I want them to spend Christmas with their families, before the war gets real for them, while they still have the opportunity!" Harry blurted out and took a deep breath, because he started to lack air.
Dumbledore smiled at him.
"Always thinking of others, Harry."
The boy looked down at the edge of the desk.
Oh why did he feel so bad? But he had to be with Severus. Only with Severus. Others might spoil everything.
"In that case, I will not keep you any longer. I'm sorry you had to make such a difficult decision, but it's for your own good Harry. I guess you understand that?"
The boy nodded, not looking up. Dumbledore was certainly old and tired, but he certainly wasn't stupid and if he looked into Harry's eyes, he could figure out everything.
"Oh, and one more thing. Professor Tonks told me about that party which she wanted to organize in Hogsmeade. I understand that you also have the intention of going, right, Harry?" The Gryffindor nodded again. "I will try to ensure the best protection possible. Hogsmeade has always been a very safe place, but in these circumstances the best option would be to extend a strong protective barrier around the area. I, as well as Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, Snape and Tonks, will take care of it so you'll be able to have fun freely, without worrying about your safety." Harry nodded. "So, see you, Harry. And have a good holiday," Dumbledore smiled wanly.
"Goodbye, Professor," the Gryffindor jumped up, bowed quickly and fled from the cabinet, without looking back, even once.
***
Harry, throughout the day, hadn't seen Severus. Perhaps this was due to the fact that everyone in Hogwarts seemed to have pre-Christmas fever. Everywhere he went, he met legions of students and teachers who were decorating the castle. There were Christmas trees reaching to the ceilings, garlands, mistletoe hanging over the arches of corridors, forming kilometers of chains. Together with Hermione, Ron, Neville, Ginny and Harry himself, they decorated the dormitory and the Christmas tree in the Common Room
When the evening came, and he went to bed, Harry was exhausted. But it didn't stop him from almost immediately reaching under the pillow and pulling out the Marauder's Map, in order to satisfy his curiosity to see what Severus was doing. He found him in his office.
But the man wasn't alone. Beside him he saw a dot with the name of Theodore Nott. Snape rarely assigned detentions to his students, so the Slytherin must have really earned it.
Harry put down the map and forced himself to go to dinner. Severus wasn't there, but the boy was expecting that. He looked at the Slytherin table.
Surprisingly, Nott was also absent...
Harry felt a touch of anxiety, but so far he failed to understand what it meant, so he only sighed and glared at his plate. He felt a little disappointed that he couldn't see Snape. Yes, it was true that he'd seen him yesterday, but he already missed him.
He had yet to admit to his friends that he was going to stay at Hogwarts during the holidays. He decided to do it tomorrow. Maybe by that time, he would have come up with some reasonable arguments which would convince Ron and Hermione to leave without him. After all, he knew they certainly wouldn't like this idea.
After dinner, along with Ron, Neville and Hermione, Harry worked on Transfiguration, Herbology and Charms. Although the holidays were just around the corner, teachers didn't seem to have noticed at all, judging by the pile of homework they were giving them. Harry knew from experience that it was better not to delay anything, unless he wanted to spend the greater part of the Christmas break doing homework.
When Harry finally returned to the dormitory, it was already quite late. Although it wasn't ten yet. Almost immediately, his hands went under the pillow to the map. When he unfolded it, he nearly choked on the jellybeans he was eating.
Nott was still at Snape's office!
Harry pulled the parchment closer to his face and frowned. It seemed that Severus was sitting at his desk, or at least standing beside it, while the Slytherin... Harry looked closer... was dangerously close to him, almost touching him!.
The Gryffindor felt an uncomfortable tightness in his stomach, and his heart sped up dramatically. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, because suddenly he was seized by an overwhelming desire to smash something. Some part of his mind knew that it was ridiculous, but the boy was completely dominated by the part that wanted to tear Nott apart.
Severus and the Slytherin had been sitting together in the office longer than three hours, if not longer! They hadn't come for dinner! And on top they were so... close!
Harry squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get rid of unpleasant images flowing to the surface of his mind. Images in which Severus and Nott...
No! Stop!
It's stupid. Severus could accept students in his office. He was a teacher. It was normal that... But why the hell was it taking so long? The usual detentions didn't last longer than three hours.
Not realizing what he was doing, Harry began to bite his nails, staring at the map with such intensity that his eyes almost started to water. He glanced nervously at his watch.
Ten minutes to ten.
Why didn't Nott leave?
Five minutes to ten.
The dot moved away from Severus. For a while, lingered in the middle of the office, and... moved toward the door.
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. And almost immediately burst out laughing, unable to believe the absurdity of his suspicions and reactions.
Severus was right. He was far too impulsive. He would have to work on his self-control. And on his exuberant imagination. Anyway, after all, he trusted Severus. Fairly.
He glanced again at the map. The man disappeared in the laboratory. He would likely be sitting there all night again.
Harry reached into his pocket, his hand clenched around the stone and sent:
Good night, Severus.
There was no response. As usual.
He sighed deeply, put a stone away, and shuffled to the bathroom.
***
His suspicions were correct. Hermione and Ron weren't happy to hear that Harry was staying at Hogwarts for the holidays - alone.
"Come on, we can stay with you. I'll ask mom and dad to come. We'll be able to keep you company. I'm sure they'd be delighted to spend the holiday at Hogwarts!"
"No, Ron," Harry repeated, probably for the fifth time in a row. "Dumbledore said that he would never agree to it because he doesn't want to spoil Christmas for your family. Besides, what would Bill and Charlie say? They rarely have the opportunity to visit their home, and you want to force them to spend Christmas dinner with their old teachers, who will stay at Hogwarts. And Fred and George? I doubt that they will be happy with the idea of sitting at a table with Snape." Ron winced at these words. Apparently, he was also not happy with this idea.
"Well, so only me and Hermione can stay here."
"No! I don't want to spoil your holidays either. You should spend it with family. I can handle it. I really can. I've had worse holidays." He understood how it sounded, so he quickly tried to force a grin. "It's just a few days. I can handle it."
Hermione, who hadn't uttered a single word during their convesation, just stared at Harry with concern and compassion. She sighed and gave him a sad smile.
"You're right, Harry. My parents can't come to Hogwarts, and I would like to spend the holidays with them." She looked at Ron with apprehension, but the boy didn't comment on it, staring dejectedly at his own hands. "The last Christmas, I spent with you, and now everything is getting more and more dangerous every day. You know what I mean. This might be the last opportunity we have to..." She lowered her head, as if embarrassed by her words.
Ron glanced at her, looking defeated.
Hermione was right and they all knew it well.
It may be the first and... last Christmas that Harry could spend with Severus. And he would do it! He wouldn't miss this opportunity! He had a plan already - the plan of how to get Severus to agree to this, because, knowing him, he would fight tooth and nail. But, in the end, he would give in. Harry was so confident - nothing was able to undermine his confidence when it came to this.
That afternoon, they got a message from Tonks who wanted to meet with them to discuss the details of the event. There were only three days left. They learned that the celebration would take place at the Hog's Head Inn since the Three Brooms was too crowded and couldn't provide them with enough room, just for them. When Tonks saw them exchange skeptical glances, she assured them that she would take care of everything so they wouldn't even recognize the place. The area would be surrounded by the protective shield created by Dumbledore and the other teachers, so the students will have to stay close to the inn. If someone wanted a little privacy, they could take refuge in the sheds behind the inn. Saying this, Tonks laughed and winked at them knowingly, making Ron blush to the tips of his hair. Hermione got an attack of coughing, and Harry looked at the bench, biting his lip and trying not to laugh. Only when he saw this type of reaction from best friends, did he realize what a wide gap existed between them. If only they knew what he and Severus...
Oh, he preferred not to think about it. He knew that their first reaction would be absolute devastation. Later, it could get only worse.
After meeting with Tonks, McGonagall caught up with them and asked them to help with Christmas decorations. Hagrid had brought the biggest Christmas tree they had ever seen. It took all afternoon and most of the evening to place and decorate it. Professor McGonagall seemed to be less severe than usual - she was even rather nice. Apparently, she had also given in to the festive mood. Even when Ron accidentally set fire to the top of the Christmas tree, she just looked at him with pity, shook her head and quickly extinguished the fire.
When Harry finally returned to the dormitory, he was even more exhausted than the day before. But it didn't prevent him from looking at the map. Fortunately, this time Severus was alone. Harry was staring at the moving dot on the parchment for so long that he finally fell asleep.
He woke up in the middle of the night. He was still in his clothes, and on the pillow beside him there lay a map.
Great, not only had he fallen asleep in clothes, he had also missed the opportunity to shower. Harry stood up, rubbed his sore neck and stretched himself. He decided to shower and change clothes before going to sleep again. He reached for the map and involuntarily glanced at Severus' chambers.
He wasn't there. It seemed that once again he had spent the night in the laboratory. When did he sleep? He couldn't continue to work so hard.
Harry sighed and reached for his wand to clear the map, but the movement at the very corner of the parchment had caught his attention. He stared, feeling his heart sink.
Severus.
And Nott.
They were walking along the corridor in the dungeons. It looked as if they were coming back from somewhere.
Harry felt a sudden surge of anger and disappointment. He barely refrained from tearing the map up.
How could he! What were they doing together in the middle of the night? Where were they? Why had Snape been walking somewhere at night with Nott, yet he has never allowed Harry to stay? Why?!
He followed them so closely, as if he wanted to jump into the map and find himself where they were. When they came to Snape's office, they stopped for a moment.
Harry bit his lip.
Please don't enter it, don't enter!
Nott moved and made his way toward the Slytherin dormitory, and Snape walked into his office.
Harry was relieved. But almost immediately, the relief was pushed to the corner by the bitter sense of betrayal that exploded in his heart and mind. His hands shook as he put the map away. He clenched his fists and tried to put together his thoughts. But what was he there for? Snape wandered at night with some nasty Slytherin, whose father was Death...
Harry widened his eyes.
Could it be...? Could it be that simple?
Impossible.
He shut his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to get rid of the desire to kill both Severus and Nott.
This must have some explanation. Tomorrow at the detention, he would ask Snape about it. If there was nothing on his conscience, he would tell him the truth. But if he lied...
He sighed again, got up and went to the bathroom.
***
Monday's lessons seemed impossibly long for Harry. He had the impression that the History of Magic lasted twice as long as usual. When it was finally time for the Potions lesson, Harry felt both relief and enormous tension, which by the end of classes had risen to an almost critical point, because for the entire lesson, Severus stubbornly avoided his gaze. But surprisingly often, glanced toward the table where Nott was sitting. The boy answered this with squinting his eyes and pouting his lips.
Harry gritted his teeth and nearly broke his spoon while stirring his potion. He felt that a little more and he would explode like his own cauldron did last time. And the strength of this explosion would wipe out Nott from the earth.
"Harry, are you okay?" Hermione asked, worried, seeing that for some time Harry had been stirring the potion with only the stub of his spoon, but it looked like he hadn't noticed. "You should stir the potion only five times in a clockwise direction, while you have already..."
"I don't fucking care!" Harry growled, staring at Nott with narrowed eyes and dreaming about how he could torture him. At the beginning he would use Crucio. And then invent something worse...
The girl followed his eyes, but saw only a few Slytherins busy with work, so she shrugged and returned to her draught.
Harry frowned, seeing that Snape finally decided to walk around the classroom and assess students' work. Harry had almost exploded with flame when the teacher stopped at Nott, looked into his cauldron and... smiled! It must have been a smile! Nothing else! Harry knew how Severus smiled, he'd seen it himself a few times. And he was doing it now! He was smiling, for fucking sake, at that fucking Nott!
Oh, if he wanted to play like that, then let him go for it! Just let the lesson be finished... Harry would make up some plan to stay for a few moments, to have a serious talk with him!
And the worst thing was, that when Snape walked over to his cauldron and looked at it (yes, Harry knew that he had completely blown it, but how could he concentrate under such conditions?), he just grimaced and walked away. He hadn't looked at him and, most importantly, hadn't smiled at him! So why the hell had he smiled at Nott?! Snape could only smile at Harry! Only! Only he deserved it! Only he had gone through hell to get it! So why...?
He shut his eyes, feeling an uncomfortable burning and bitter tightness in his throat. Everything was wrong!
As soon as the bell sounded, Harry explained to his friends that he must ask Snape whether or not he could allow him to miss today's detention - in connection with the upcoming holidays (he couldn't think of anything else). He told them to go ahead and promised that he would join them soon. Yet as soon as class started to leave, Harry turned to the desk and almost fell onto his own bench.
Nott stood next to Snape, and talked to him! It looked like their conversation wasn't going to end soon, because Nott put his bag on the floor and leaned nonchalantly on the desk, crossing his arms and acting as freely, as if he was talking not to a teacher but to...
Harry's eyes were burned by the red fire of fury. Snape's black eyes for a moment broke away from the Slytherin, and came to rest on Harry. The boy felt the explosion of rage that he could hardly hold back, not to do something stupid. The only thing at that moment he wanted to do was to tear into that slimy Slytherin and pull him away from Severus. From Harry's Severus!
He clenched his fists so that they almost became white, then turned on his heel and marched out of class, not forgetting to slam the door behind him. He'd done it perhaps even a bit too strongly, because the thud of its closing made students jump from fear, and a bit of plaster fell off the wall.
Ron and Hermione turned, surprised. Harry ran up to them and growled:
"Changed my mind! I will not ask for anything from that nasty bastard!"
He then passed them and went ahead with such speed that they barely kept up with him.
Oh, just let the evening come...
***
Harry hadn't gone to dinner. He was sitting in the dormitory, and staring at the map. Nott and Snape went to the man's office after classes, and for the whole time, they were sitting there. The whole damn time! And they also didn't go to dinner. It wasn't normal!
No, he wouldn't stand it any longer! He'd go there! Now! And he would find out what's going on!
Harry's detention began at seven, just after dinner, but he decided he might show up a little bit earlier.
Quickly, he pushed the map into his pocket, put on his shoes and went, determined, to the dungeons.
Before he reached there, several plans went through his mind. Starting with Harry rushing into the office with his wand and cursing both of them (if the door wasn't closed, and if it was, then it meant Severus and Nott were indeed doing something...), or to break inside by force, or sending a message to Snape that he knew everything, ending with a plan to just eavesdrop at the door, hoping that he could hear anything.
Harry decided to go with the last plan. For the time being.
He put his ear to the wooden surface, but didn't hear anything but absolute silence. And that meant that Severus certainly cast a silencing spell.
Damn it!
Harry kicked in the door. Once or twice. As predicted, nothing happened. He stepped back and reached for his wand, to smash the door to smithereens, but then it... opened suddenly.
Harry froze, his hand in his pocket. Before him stood Nott. When he saw Harry, he frowned in surprise. But very quickly a crooked grin appeared on his mouth.
"Potter...What a surprise!"
Harry almost choked with rage, quickly searching his mind for some relevant epithets he could give the Slytherin, but he was in such a condition that nothing creative occurred to him, so he stopped at:
"You slimy, disg..." he began, but stopped when behind the Slytherin Severus appeared. His eyes narrowed warningly when he saw Harry.
"That's all for today, Mr. Nott. You can go. We will continue our work after Christmas," he said, then turned to Harry: "Please come in, Mr. Potter. I never suspected that you missed the detentions so much that you would decide to come earlier."
'Ah, you weren't expecting that?' Harry thought. 'I surprised you! Interrupted what you were doing and now you're mad... Ha!'
"I have come earlier because I have a date later!" Harry growled and felt a malicious satisfaction in seeing that Snape rose his eyebrows in surprise.
"Good night, sir." Nott bowed slightly, as if unaware of sparking tension in the air, and passed Harry, throwing him a contemptuous smile. The Gryffindor's hand involuntarily went to his wand, but stopped due to Snape's growl:
"Potter. Inside. Now."
Harry forced himself to relax his hand, despite the fact that before his eyes already appeared a wonderful vision in which Nott was writhing in spasms of pain at his feet, then snorted and walked past the man, not even looking at him once. He felt insistent, gnawing anger and disappointment devouring him from the inside. A single moment more - and he would certainly smash something. And that was likely to be Nott's receding back.
As soon as the door closed, Severus cast a blocking and silencing spells, and then passed through the office and sat at his desk.
Everything inside Harry trembled with angry tension. He knew that just one firmer tug - and his nerves would give way, plunging him into the fit of rage.
"Sit down. I'm not finished. If you decided to come earlier and without notice, and behave as a mad dog whose owner has accidentally dropped the leash, then you'll have to wait a while. When you cool off, you'll explain your behavior to me. And I hope that you will have a good explanation as to why you looked as if you wanted to curse one of my students, because I'm not going..."
That was the last straw. Harry had come here to find out the truth. Snape had been apparently cheating on him from the beginning, and now he behaved as if he didn't know what was going on and on top of that - he dared to blame him!
"YOU SLEAZY BASTARD!" Harry roared, feeling that all the anger and frustration that had been choking him finally got free, surging through his mouth. "HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!"
Severus was silent for a moment, staring at him with surprise. Finally, he frowned and threw the boy a severe look.
"Don't talk to me in that tone, Potter."
"I will!" Harry, in a few steps, found himself at his desk. He rested his hands on the counter and looked into Snape's eyes, his own - flooded with burning rage. "I know what you're doing with him! You can't fool me! I know it all! I saw how much time you've spending with him! I saw you walking with him at night! I saw you smiling at him! Why are you doing this? Am I, already, not enough for you?" His voice faltered slightly, and Harry had to pause to catch a breath.
Severus for a moment looked at him in amazement, but soon it changed to a look of... mocking amusement. He leaned back, crossed his arms and frowned.
"Yes, that's it, Potter. You figured out that I'm "cheating on you" with Nott, so you decided to drop here and arrange this pathetic show. Forgive me for not giving you my applause, but my fingers are still a little sticky. I didn't have time to cast a cleaning spell when you decided to interrupt our little tryst," Severus said, smiling maliciously.
Harry felt an explosion of hatred.
"DON'T MOCK ME!" he yelled, and furiously threw everything from the desk onto the floor. Parchment, ink, a few bottles and books landed there. Harry heard crashing glass, but the sound almost hadn't reached him. His eyes were flooded in the burning red, resembling lava. He saw Snape's face changing. It became kind of... shocked. But Harry had already fallen into the abyss of fiery fury, and nothing was able to stop him. He slapped his hands on a desk and leaned over some more, and only hissing sounds were coming out of his mouth. "You fucked him, didn't you? You fucked him on this desk! I know! You bloody bastard! Where did you touch him? No, I don't care!" Harry squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his hands to his ears. "I don't wanna hear it!"
When he thought about naked Nott, lying on this desk and about Severus leaning over him, he felt such painful cramps in his stomach, as though something scorchingly hot was twisted in his interiors, and his heart was beating so quickly that his head started to spin. Harry felt like he was going to erupt in any moment.
He heard the sound of chair moving and a few quick steps. The rough shaking of his shoulders made him open his eyes.
"Calm down immediately!" Severus growled, throwing him a sharp look. His fingers clutched Harry's skin with the power of vice, but the boy managed to get away, jumping away from him, shouting:
"Don't come near me!"
The man frowned and held his hand out. He grabbed Harry's shirt and with a sharp jerk pulled him to himself, hissing venomously in his face:
"I told you to calm down, Potter! If you don't understand that, I can bring you back to your senses very quickly, albeit, it won't be pleasant!"
Harry began to jerk, trying to get free. He didn't want to be so close to him. Not after this, not when, before his eyes, there were visions in which cool fingers were stroking the skin of someone else. When the black cape fell on a completely different body. A body that didn't belong to Harry.
"Don't touch me!" he shouted, still trying to escape.
"Don't touch you?" the man snorted. "Don't make me laugh, Potter. You exist for my touch only, and you know it."
Harry froze, breathing heavily and staring at the man with such a look, as if he wanted to incinerate him. Severus was staring at him in the same way.
Harry's mind was working at full capacity. He tried to read something from the dark tunnels which narrowed angrily, but he couldn't. Subsequent visions were still haunting him. What if Nott wasn't the only one? What if there were more of them?
"Who else have you fucked, you bastard?" the boy hissed, right into man's face.
"Everyone, Potter. Every student who came to me for detention. We arrange small orgies here," Snape said. He used such tone, as if talking about an afternoon tea with friends, not about...
Something broke in Harry when his imagination gave him the image of Severus and... He made a strained, whistling sound, because he felt like something constricted his lungs, not allowing him to breathe. He began to choke, unable to cope with the horror, his heart breaking into pieces.
Severus' eyes widened when he saw what state his words had led Harry to. He pulled him closer and, staring in the terrified green eyes, hissed:
"Damn it, Potter! I don't fuck each student that comes to my office!"
But these words didn't make their way to Harry. He fought for every breath, feeling like he was at the second tour of the Triwizard Tournament, when the tritons had been trying to pull him into the depths, and he couldn't do anything, no matter how hard he struggled. He wanted to go up to the surface, to be able to breathe again. He felt as if his lungs were about to explode.
"I can't... breathe..." he managed to squeeze out, desperately trying to catch some air.
And then Snape's voice broke into his conscience:
"Look at me, Potter!" Harry managed to lift his eyelids. He saw black eyes staring at him, burning with something like... anxiety. "Calm down and breathe deeply. There is no one else, so stop hurting yourself. Stop it!" In Snape's voice, there was a slight touch of desperation.
The air finally burst into Harry's lungs. He breathed deeply, feeling the panic subside slowly. Yet the rage rekindled the flame even hotter when he realized that all this time Snape had been sneering at him as if to punish Harry for something. But it was Snape who was guilty! It was him...
"I don't believe you!" he growled. "You can't... you won't ever let him in here again!"
Snape's gaze became cold once again, as though now when Harry was all right, he could be mad at him again. And now he seemed even more angry, because he was forced to say something he didn't want to.
"Don't you dare give me orders, brat! I can let whoever I want in here, and you will not show up, playing some scenes of jealousy! Get out and come back when you cool off! " saying this, Severus released him and firmly pushed him away. Harry, swaying, took a few steps back, but finally managed to catch his balance.
"Great! I've had enough! I should get a fucking medal for standing with you for so long! But enough of that! I'll never set my foot in here again!"
The man's eyes flashed with icy rage, and his lips tightened so much that they turned almost white.
"Then go back to your pathetic friends and don't show up in front of me again!"
"Great!" Harry snorted. "That's what I intend to do! I won't be some sloppy second! You can fuck your slimy Slytherin as many times as you want! I don't care!"
He turned so violently that he almost wavered, then headed for the exit. He grabbed the door handle, but the door was locked. He pulled it again and again, feeling ready to tear it apart, just to get out of here. To get away from this burning hell inside of him!
But the door still remained closed. And Harry was in such a state that he would sooner smash it than think about removing the blocking spell.
"Open the fucking door! Open it, right now!" he yelled, kicking it with all his strength on the wooden surface. With the corner of his eye he saw movement behind his back. He turned sharply. Severus was standing right behind him and it seemed that he intended to catch him again. Harry raised his hand, trying to push him away, to hit him, whatever! But the man grabbed his arm and squeezed it painfully. Harry cried out when Snape twisted his arm and turned him face to the door, with all his strength pressing him into the wooden surface.
He tried to free himself, but Snape was stronger. He had no chance with him.
Severus pressed at him with his whole body, and Harry moaned, feeling extreme pain in his twisted hand that Snape was holding so tightly, as if wanting to break it.
"I don't get pushed away," he heard venomous hissing right in his ear. "Remember that. Because the next time you try to do it, I won't be so generous. Next time, it will be me who'll push you you away in return, ending this farce." Hearing these words, Harry's stomach and heart clenched painfully, causing him more pain than his twisted hand. "And now, Potter... I'll explain you a few things. Firstly, if you ignore my order again and come here to make some scene, relying on your exaggerated emotional conjectures and without any solid evidence, I will not bother myself trying to reason with you - I'll just throw you out. Secondly: I am a teacher and students sometimes come to me both for detentions, as well as for tutoring, Potter. And if you don't understand that, the next time I'll leave the door open, so you could hear everything well. Are you satisfied with this?" Without waiting for any reply from Harry, he continued. "And thirdly, I don't fuck anyone except you. Anyone. My word should be enough for you, and if it's not, then I'll just have to show it to you."
Harry felt the man release his grip. He had trouble breathing and it seemed that Severus did as well. The boy, however, didn't have time to dwell on it, because Snape grabbed him by his robes sharply and threw him on the desk. Harry cried out, surprised, when he struck his hips against the edge of the tabletop. For the moment he lost orientation. He regained it only when Severus came towards him and, piercing Harry with his burning gaze, turned him face to the desk and pushed him onto the desktop again.
But Harry didn't allow it. He pushed with his hands and turned back, looking into Snape's fierce eyes.
"I want to see you," he gasped, feeling himself tremble. Tremble with anger, frustration and something else... something that blossomed in his loins, making him realize that the only thing he wanted, the only thing he could kill for... was this man who was standing before him.
Severus granted his request. He pushed him on the desk and pulled out his wand. One flick robbed Harry of the bottom part of his clothes, and then Snape parted the hem of his robe and pulled his trousers a little lower. Harry's eyes lit up when he saw the red, hard cock and the dark hair surrounding it. Snape wrapped his hand around his erection and pointed his wand at it. A shiny substance covered it, and Severus spread it along his shaft in a few quick strokes. This view made Harry's eyes grow round with disbelief, and his heart almost jumped out of his chest. But he didn't manage to see anything else, because Severus took a step closer to him, pushed him onto the counter and lifted his legs. He rested his hands on both sides of Harry's head and leaned over him so low that Harry couldn't see anything beyond his fiery black eyes, burning with a lambent fire, devouring him. For a while Snape stood like that, delving into Harry's green eyes as if to get into his mind. Then he entered him with one smooth thrust. The Gryffindor's body opened before him, like it did every time he saw this amazing look, but this time, there was also something more in it. The stubborn determination, the persistence and the desire to prove something.
And Harry felt this when Severus pulled out and pushed back almost immediately going at the dizzying pace.
The boy's eyes rolled back into his skull when he felt this incredible power of pleasure which floated inside him after each thrust - that hit him straight at the center of delight.
"Look at me!" the man growled, pulling out and punishing Harry with an extremely sharp and powerful thrust.
The boy moaned loudly, lifting his eyes and holding his breath when Severus' eyes plunged into his own, as if trying to tell him something important.
Harry was on fire. Fire of pleasure. Fire of anger. At the same time, he wanted to tear Snape to shreds, and to be torn into shreds in return. He wanted to cause Snape the same pain that Harry felt today and he wanted Snape to cause him pain too. Always. Because they belonged together. Because Harry belonged to Severus, and Severus belonged to Harry. Only to Harry.
He grabbed him by his robes, and pulled him even closer. Their faces were only inches apart. He felt the man's hot breath. He no longer saw anything but black, ebony eyes.
"You are only mine," Harry panted, his voice wavering with every thrust. "Only mine! You belong only to me. I found you. I conquered you. If anyone tries to take you from me... I'll make them hurt!"
Severus froze for a moment. In the depths of his eyes, flickered something. On his face appeared a shadow of satisfaction, and after that, he began thrusting into Harry at an even faster rate, with even greater force, with greater fervor. As if he wanted to reward and to punish him at the same time.
Harry closed his eyes involuntarily, but then he heard an angry growl:
"Damn it, I told you to look at me!"
When he raised his eyes, he encountered a devastating, aggressive look that almost burst into his soul. He must, at all costs, keep his eyes open. But it was so difficult when every push at his prostate deprived him of the ability to think, and sent his senses towards the ceiling.
Harry was feeling the sharp, the bitter-sweet man's smell in his nostrils, his ears could hear Severus' heavy breathing, the roughness of Severus' robe against his skin and the heat of Severus' breath where his eyes was seeing nothing except the surrounding blackness. Snape was over him, inside him - he was everywhere. He filled Harry so much that inside him there wasn't a bit of room for anything else. For Voldemort, for war, for lessons, for his friends, for his past and future. It all couldn't exist as long as Severus was here, was in him... nothing else mattered.
He smiled, and gripped Severus' robe even stronger. Severus, seeing his smile, moved away a little to see Harry's whole face. He licked his lips and slowed down, going into sharp, deep thrusts. Between them, his lips began to whisper heavy, breathless words:
"There. Is. No. One. Else."
Harry's stomach turned, and his eyes widened. His penis quivered, hearing these words, and the tension in his interior reached an alarming point. He knew that a little more, and...
He felt Severus' palm sliding under his neck. The man raised the boy's head, pulling his face closer. He leaned down and stopped millimeters from his ear. He laced his slender fingers into the boy's hair and clenched it tightly. Harry's hands rose and enveloped around Snape's neck, in the grip so strong that nothing would be able to pull him away from Severus. Harry's body was pierced by an uncontrollable shiver when he felt the hot breath and a hoarse whisper penetrating his mind:
"There is..."
Deep, mind-blowing thrust.
"...Only..."
Hot lips, brushing against his ear lobe.
"...You..."
Nails hammered into his flesh.
"...Potter."
The whisper broke off and turned into a husky moan when Severus came in him, his body froze and pressed against Harry with such force, it almost melted it into the table. The man's fingers clenched at the boy's buttocks so fiercely, it was as if he wanted to tear him into pieces.
But Harry almost didn't feel it, as he fell into the abyss of orgasmic pleasure. Everything in him was burning, and under his eyelids, he saw millions of crumbling hot sparks that wandered over his skin, teasing at it. He pressed his face into Severus's neck, choking on his hoarse cry, and gripped it so tightly that for a moment they both couldn't breathe.
He wanted to melt into Severus. To be so close as though to feel his heart beat next to his own. And never, absolutely never, let him go.
He didn't know how much time had passed. He had the impression that they had sailed far away. He saw only darkness and heard only warm silence, that was being broken only by loud breaths. His and Severus'.
The man was still lying on him, gasping. And Harry felt his weight, he felt his rising and falling chest, heard his heavy breathing. He smiled to himself.
When he relaxed his grip a little, Severus moved and straightened. Harry held his breath, seeing the hazy look thrusted at him. Snape's face was so close... He still felt his hot, slowly returning to normal breathing.
And for the first time... he no longer wanted anything else. If only it was always like this now. If only Severus was always with him. If only it was never over. Never.
He raised his hand and touched the rough cheek, gazing into the flickering, deep eyes, and whispered softly:
"There is only me. And I will always be here."
At that moment a darkling shadow appeared in the dark eyes, a wrinkle between the eyebrows deepened. Harry felt a restlessness he couldn't explain. He didn't like this shadow. Something wasn't right. He already knew Severus. He knew his reactions.
Harry frowned.
"Severus?"
A man tightened his lips and pulled away. Harry, for a moment, wouldn't release him from his grip, but eventually gave up. Without a word, he watched Snape get up and pull up his pants. He didn't look at him. As if Harry had said something wrong.
"What happened?" he asked hesitantly, raising up on his elbows. He wanted to get up, but his muscles refused to cooperate after such an intense orgasm.
"Dress up and come with me," Severus said finally. His voice was completely calm.
Harry tilted his head, staring at the man who was buttoning up his pants. It seemed that whatever was gnawing at him, he managed to overcome it.
Harry forced his body to make an effort and sat up on the desk, looking at Snape with his eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"And stop staring at me, Potter," the man growled, clearly annoyed. "Maybe I should give you my picture? Then you can look at it as much as you want, and at least then, I won't have to endure your silly facial expressions."
Harry pursed his lips. Well, Snape was Snape again.
"It's a very good idea," he said, smiling rakishly. "I'll hang it above the bed and masturbate to it."
Severus threw him a half irritated, half amused look.
"As if you don't do that anyway..." he replied sarcastically.
"And how would you know what I'm doing in the middle of the night?" he asked defiantly.
Severus narrowed his eyes. On his lips appeared a mysterious, crooked grin.
"I just guessed you were doing the same thing as I am."
Harry felt his jaw drop to the floor, but he couldn't answer because Severus snorted, turned and disappeared behind the door leading to his chambers.
The boy jumped off the desk to go after him, to ask what he'd meant and to find out all the details, but then he remembered that he had no idea where the lower part of his wardrobe was.
"What have you done with my pants?!" he shouted toward the open door, looking carefully around, but Snape didn't answer him. He sighed and went into the living room, feeling the warm fire of joy in his heart, which, however, was darkened a little by a strange shadow of anxiety he couldn't get rid of.
Or maybe it was just his exuberant imagination?
* "Tainted love" by Marilyn Manson
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