35. Christmas Time

I'm lost in you everywhere I run
Everywhere I turn I'm finding something new
Lost in you, something I can't fight
I cannot escape
I could spend my life lost in you! Lost in you! *

 

Harry woke up in an unusually good mood, even though he fell asleep only in the morning, when the sky was already lightening. Even a metallic taste in his mouth, a tongue stuck to the palate and a throbbing headache could not spoil his well-being. And he didn't feel tired at all. Well, maybe a little... It didn't matter that his legs felt weak under him, and when he stood up, he felt dizzy and had to sit back down in bed to avoid falling over. He was filled with joyful energy and pleasant excitement. After what happened yesterday, the next ten days of the Christmas break were going to be even better than before. He must, must make sure he has as much time as possible to spend with Severus. Even if all he had to do was sit in the corner and stare at him the whole time. It's enough.

Filled with energy, he jumped out of bed and after a few unsteady steps, without waiting for either Ron or Neville, he went to take a shower and then ran downstairs for breakfast. Severus was not there. Oh, he wanted to see him so much! But maybe it's a good thing he wasn't there. He probably couldn't help but smile at him, and that would seem suspicious.

Everything was fine, or at least his endorphin-filled mind told him so, until he looked at the dripping fat fried sausages and scrambled eggs and bacon.

Suddenly, without knowing why, he felt very, very bad, and to the surprise of several students who, like him, had arrived for breakfast earlier, he ran out of the Great Hall, heading straight for the nearest bathroom. After spending fifteen minutes at one of the sinks, he washed his face with water and shuffled back. Ron and Hermione were already seated at the table and also looked a bit sick, but that didn't stop them from keeping themselves busy and barely paying attention to their surroundings. They smiled at each other, blushing alternately and whispering fiercely. Harry didn't even try to eavesdrop. He was too busy thinking about Snape hugging him and touching his face. And looking at him as if he wanted to tell him something very important, but couldn't say it.

You have no idea...

What did he have no idea about? What couldn't he have no idea about? This thought bothered him.

You have no idea...

He was afraid to even finish that sentence. He tried, but everything seemed too trivial, too... unbelievable. It would only destroy the mystery that emanates from it, flatten the message and could take away the hope smoldering in the heart. He didn't want to think about what the ending of the sentence might be. Because that might be something he didn't want to hear at all... But then again, he couldn't stop wondering about it. Curiosity was stronger than fear.

His daydreams were interrupted by a flash of rainbow hair. Harry turned his head and saw Tonks entering the Great Hall. Her hair sparkled with all the colors of the rainbow. The students turned their heads and looked at her in delighted silence. Harry quickly looked for Luna, but her friend didn't come for breakfast. It was extremely strange. Although in Luna's case, that word didn't seem very appropriate, considering that everything about her was "weird." And at the same time so... true.

Also what he saw last night in the shed behind Hog's Head. His imagination was immediately assaulted with images of Luna and Tonks in an embrace, clinging to each other, kissing the hesitation from each other's lips, touching each other and doing all these things... He still wondered if it had really happened or if it was just a projection of his mind dazed by the alcohol. But no, it was too real... He still had the sound of Luna's heavy breathing in his ears and the rush of warm air mixed with perfume that hit his face as he stood and watched, fascinated, at the scene taking place inside the shed. Yes, it was absolutely and undeniably true.

As true as the smiling, radiant woman - his teacher - who sat down at the teacher's table and, as if nothing had happened, started a conversation with the other members of the teaching staff. It was so strange to know this secret. Did Luna feel the same way when she looked at Harry or Snape? What could she be thinking? Or maybe she didn't think anything, maybe it was just absolutely natural for her and she accepted that Harry could be attracted to a man more than twice his age? Maybe she saw what couldn't be seen with the bare eye? Maybe she understood more than the average observer?

Why couldn't Hermione, despite being so intelligent, see and understand this? It was fascinating and Harry couldn't find an explanation for it. He only suspected that Luna would be willing to accept absolutely anything as long as it didn't harm any being. And that was, in a way... reassuring. That he will always have someone to talk to about everything. Not that he intended to, or needed it. But it was nice to know someone was like that. Right?

***

He didn't even have a moment to himself all morning and part of the afternoon as he helped Ron pack and had to talk to each of his departing friends and say goodbye to them. Ginny made fun of his actions yesterday, and Neville blushed at every mention of Anastassy. Just before leaving, Harry gave gifts to Ron, Hermione and Ginny and gave his friend a package for the entire Weasley family. Ron was overjoyed to receive a large trunk of sweets from Honeydukes, and Hermione, to Ron's envious look, kissed him on the cheek in gratitude for the new set of Ancient Runes textbooks. From Ron he received a book on advanced techniques and feints for seekers in Quidditch (it didn't surprise him at all) and from Hermione he received a new quill with a shimmering rainbow shuttle (he felt stupid when his brain gave him one very specific association). Ginny gave him a tie with black and red stripes, which turned more red or more black depending on his mood. Total depression meant absolute blackness. And red...

"...well, you'll have to discover that for yourself," she smiled mischievously as she said goodbye and winked at him, then waved and ran off to Greg, who was waiting for her with her luggage. Harry said goodbye to his friends, promising to write right after Christmas, and waved to them as they disappeared into the black carriages.

He still had two gifts left - for Hagrid and for Luna, but he couldn't find his friend anywhere. Well, the best he can do is send it to her by owl. But it's a bit strange that she didn't come to say goodbye to him. It wasn't like her. He was going to give Hagrid a gift when he visited him during the holidays. He promised he would do it and he wasn't going to break his word.

After a dozen or so minutes, when all the carriages had already left and the castle fell silent, Harry turned and entered the main hall. He looked around the deserted castle and took a deep breath, enjoying the peace around him. He was alone. Not counting the teachers, a few students who, like him, stayed for the holidays, a whole host of ghosts and lots of house elves. Well, almost alone. And he had all the time in the world (ten days, to be precise) to spend it with Severus, at Severus and under Severus. And maybe on Severus. He chuckled to himself and started the long walk to the Common Room. He had the rest of the afternoon to himself, undisturbed by anyone, so he could do what he had been planning since yesterday. That is, to "supplement" the gift for Snape with sounds and words. And to do that, he would need a lot of focus, although he still hesitated and wasn't sure if he could do it. But since he had already masturbated in front of him on his birthday, it shouldn't be that hard. At least he hoped so.

***

For the tenth time, Harry brought the shiny figurine hidden in his hands to his lips and whispered. "Moan for me."

Now he wasn't blushing so much anymore when he started to hear strangled, long moans and heavy, pleasure-filled panting from the figurine. At first, right after the recording, when he first listened to it, his face felt so red that it was almost steaming. It was weird hearing his own moans as he masturbated. Bizarre and yet quite... exciting. He seemed to be starting to understand why Snape liked it so much. And now he will always be able to listen to it. And maybe even, maybe even... No, he won't think about what he wanted to think about because he's getting more and more excited. Again.

The moans and gasps had already reached their peak, turning into hoarse screams. Harry licked his lips, closing his eyes and remembering the exact feeling of almost, almost...

Oh yes, now. A long, hoarse scream. It was as if he was dying of pleasure and with his last breath he was trying to tell the world how good he felt. He didn't even know it sounded like that... His cock twitched, but Harry ordered him to lie still. Because now, now, after that heavy, ragged panting, after that gasping for air and the last rhythmic grunts of throbbing pleasure, now the most important thing was to come...

A quiet, hoarse but surprisingly audible whisper "Goodnight, Severus..."

He smiled to himself. Excellent job. Ha, Severus doesn't even expect...!

Harry took a small green and silver snowflake box and carefully placed the figurine on the satin cushion inside. He closed it and, using magic, wrapped a silver ribbon around it. He reached for a piece of paper lying next to it with the image of a lion and a snake engraved on it. He opened it carefully and stared at the text inside. He thought for a long time about what to write. Probably even longer than it took him to masturbate. Everything he came up with seemed either too sentimental, too mawkish, or just plain stupid.

"I want to be with you", "You will always be in my heart", "I can't live without you"... No, no and no again! It all sucked. He needed something, something...

He needed something he could really feel. And finally, after an hour or two of intensely staring at the lion and the snake on the page, penetrating each other, merging into oneness, merging into each other... he grabbed a quill and sketched what came straight from his heart.

Severus...

I can't fight it, I can't escape it, I can only spend my life lost in you. And I still need more of you.

In memory of our first Christmas together,

Your Harry

***

When he woke up the next day, the sun was already high in the sky. He was so tired from the previous sleepless night that now that there was no one to wake him up, he slept as much as he could. And he missed breakfast. Fortunately, one of the elves had probably left him some toast on the nightstand next to the bed. His morning mood was even better than yesterday. Because today was the day he had been looking forward to so much. Today... he will spend Christmas Eve with Snape!

Right after eating the meal, he remembered that he planned to write a letter to Lupin. He had enough time now. He grabbed a quill and parchment and scribbled a few typical words, saying that he was fine, that he was studying well, and that Dumbledore was watching over him like a hawk. And then an idea occurred to him. The Headmaster is probably keeping some facts from him, but maybe Lupin... maybe he will tell him something about what is happening outside? After all, he is a member of the Order of the Phoenix. He certainly knows more than what Dumbledore tells him. He thought for a moment, then made up his mind and asked a few questions that seemed innocent enough to prevent Lupin from thinking that Harry was trying to get some secret information from him. "I wonder how you're coping with your work for the Order? Is everything okay? We've heard strange rumors. Voldemort is said to be growing in power, do you know anything about it? Should we prepare for a confrontation?" and several in a similar style, deftly weaving them into descriptions of his ordinary life at Hogwarts.

Satisfied with the result, he sealed the envelope and went to the owlery. Hedwig was extremely happy to get out of the castle and flew out the window as soon as she received the envelope, and Harry didn't even have to encourage her with the promise of owl treats.

He sat in his dorm for a few hours, lazing around and reading the book Ron had given him. Nobody bothered him. He didn't even know how many students were left at Hogwarts for the holidays, and honestly, he didn't care. He finally had peace and could rest. It's true that there was a pile of homework waiting for him, which the teachers made sure to give them on the last day of classes, but for now he decided not to worry about them and not to think about them at all. Now other things were much more important. For example, Snape.

However, he decided to go down for lunch, just in case the teachers started wondering where their Golden Boy had gone. And as soon as he crossed the threshold of the Great Hall, he was greatly surprised. He didn't see Snape, but that wasn't a big surprise. Luna was sitting at the staff table, where all the students and teachers who decided to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays were gathered. And Tonks. Opposite each other. And apart from them, five young Slytherins, four Hufflepuffs of different ages and two Ravenclaws who looked like first-years. There was no one from Gryffindor. Harry blinked and moved towards the end of the room. Dumbledore greeted him with a polite nod, and Luna smiled brightly at him. Harry sat down between the Ravenclaw and the Hufflepuff and greeted each teacher politely. In addition to Tonks, Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall, Professor Sprout, Professor Sinistra, Hagrid and Professor Flitwick also stayed for the holidays. And Snape. For Harry, everyone else might as well disappear. It was a bit unfair to Luna and Tonks, but it wasn't Christmas with them that he had been dreaming about for the last few weeks.

So Luna and Tonks also had the same plan as Harry and Snape. It looked like it. Especially when they smiled so nicely at each other. Harry bit his lip and started eating the potatoes with garlic sauce.

They didn't talk much. Dumbledore was telling something to Professor Sprout, and Hagrid was smiling at Harry all the time and asking when exactly he would visit him. Harry promised the next day. He planned to go even later, but he couldn't wait so long that the half-giant wouldn't think he didn't want to go and get offended at him.

Luna didn't say much. She looked around slightly dreamily and told Harry that he looked very happy and excited. As if he was waiting for something.

It would be stupid to pretend it wasn't so, because he knew that no matter what excuse he came up with, Luna wouldn't believe him. Because she saw the truth. So he simply nodded and let his lips stretch into a smile.

"Break genitals," she replied cheerfully, and Harry had serious breathing problems for several minutes after choking on a potato. Only thanks to the help of Madam Pince, who ran up to him and used her wand to throw a strong shock field at his back, did he manage to gasp for air.

Luna looked at him, clearly scared.

"I'm sorry if I said something wrong, Harry. Several times I have heard my distant Muggle relatives wish this when they were waiting for something. Only they were talking about legs, but I don't think anyone would want to break their legs because it's very painful. And then, when they were playing sliding down the railing and the youngest of them suddenly started screaming like crazy and told my aunt in a strangely high-pitched voice that he had "damaged his genitals", I thought that this was probably even more painful than breaking both legs. And it's just as hard to walk on, because he just laid on the floor and writhed. So I thought it would be better to wish something like that. Because once I wished to my aunt for her legs to be broken when she was supposed to go for some muggle treatments for rheumatoid arthritis or something, she started screaming at me terribly," Luna finished and took a deep breath, looking at Harry, who gave her a slightly nervous smile and thought that Luna was a great friend, but if he were to be in a relationship with her, he would probably have to take potions every day, which would at least partially dull his sense of reality. Or he would start taking drugs.

Looking at Luna and Tonks stealing glances at each other, he remembered something. Snape said he would report Tonks. But it seemed that everything was fine between Nymphadora and the Headmaster. Dumbledore praised her rainbow hair color and hoped that it meant only one thing - that Tonks was very happy at Hogwarts. There were some nervous looks when he asked how the party went, but everyone who was there, including Harry, said it was really great and they can't wait for the next one.

Did this mean that Snape had given up? No, that's not his style. Maybe he just decided to wait and do it after the holidays? For Harry? Possible. This thought warmed him and he finished dinner with a smile on his face and in a very good mood.

After the meal, without looking at anyone or talking to anyone, he quickly returned to the dormitory. He was too excited. Now all he could think about was Christmas dinner and what would happen after it. And he had no doubt that something was going to happen.

As soon as he threw himself on the bed, he felt a warmth in his pocket. He took out the stone and his heart started beating a little faster. He read the message.

After dinner, in my chambers.

Now Harry's heart was racing so much that he had trouble calming it down for several minutes. He was so damn excited that he just paced around the room for a while, not knowing what he should do next, in what order to do it, or whether to do anything at all.

After a short thought, he decided to implement his "cunning" plan. He had thought about it before, but he was still a little afraid. But whatever, after all, he has to spend Christmas with Severus, so he has to bring some Christmas spirit to his dark chambers! He called Dobby and asked him to deliver some chains, tinsel, and a small Christmas tree of some kind because he wanted to "decorate his dorm a little more." Dobby, as usual, was overly enthusiastic and brought him a whole bag of all kinds of Christmas decorations. Harry spent a good dozen or so minutes selecting some appropriately colored and not overly gilded chains and garlands. Instead, he focused on green and silver. And red. He had to introduce some of his personality. He packed everything into a smaller bag, then sneaked out of the dormitory wearing an invisibility cloak and hid it behind a statue of an angry ghoul located just next to the stairs leading to the dungeons, then quickly returned upstairs. He would take it when he went to Snape.

There are still a few hours until dinner. It would be extremely stupid to start preparing for it now. But Harry wasn't thinking very rationally in his current state. First he dug through his trunk, pulling out a new red shirt and black tie. They were wrinkled, so he cast a smoothing spell on them. It wasn't so easy for him to repair pants. He knew how to repair glasses, but repairing torn and bloody pants was not so easy and he spent a good dozen or so minutes leafing through a spells textbook. After some time, after dyeing the pants purple and then shrinking them and turning them into cardboard, he finally managed to patch them up and clean them. It would have gone faster if it weren't for the fact that all he could think about was Snape. He couldn't even concentrate on something as simple as tying a tie. After the obligatory shower, when he had finally dressed and had shrunk Severus' gift to fit in his pocket, and when he stood in front of the mirror to check the results of his treatments, the clock in the Common Room announced six o'clock.

Oh shit! Dinner started an hour earlier than usual! He completely forgot about it! He quickly smoothed his hair, or at least tried to, checked that he hadn't forgotten anything, and then, his heart beating rapidly, he went downstairs to the main hall. When he entered the Great Hall, all the seats at the table were already taken.

Well, that's just great. He was the last one to come!

As he got closer, his heart beat even faster. The only empty seat left was... right in front of the Potions Master. For a moment, as he walked along the long tables of the houses, he couldn't believe his luck, but then understanding came. It's just that none of the students wanted to sit face to face with their hated teacher. Even the young Slytherins preferred each other's company at one end of the table. Another surprise was that right next to the empty seat... sat Luna, who turned to him and smiled. As Harry moved even closer, he could finally get a good look at Snape. The man sat with his head slightly bowed and his face grimacing, dissatisfied.

It was strange, but Harry felt a sudden rush of tenderness at the sight of him. After all, he was torn from his beloved, cold, dark dungeons and thrown into the mercy of tinsel, Christmas decorations playing Christmas songs and Dumbledore dressed in purple. Dumbledore, who had just interrupted his conversation with Professor McGonagall, who was sitting on his right, and smiled at Harry.

"Harry, my dear boy, we have been waiting for you," he said jovially.

"I'm sorry," the boy mumbled. "I forgot it was..."

"Oh, don't worry," the Headmaster waved his hand. "The most important thing is that you finally got here. Have I ever told you how one of the students once turned down the wrong corridor and got lost? We found him after three days in the attic of the Astronomy Tower. He couldn't explain how he got there. He probably came across one of those mirror passages that randomly move around the castle. So far I haven't managed to hunt one, and I've been trying for... almost half a century." Dumbledore looked slightly less tired than usual and much happier. Either things were finally going his way, or it was just the holiday season that had such an effect on him. It has long been known that this is a magical period.

Harry smiled politely and took a seat next to Luna, but before he could even look at Snape a second time, she leaned into his ear and whispered, "I took a seat for you, Harry."

The boy felt a blush rising to his cheeks. He muttered a thank you and glanced at Severus, who at that very moment raised his head and looked straight at him. His face remained the same, but Harry saw it. A bright, fast and very strong flash in the black eyes. He was already able to read such signals flawlessly. And this made him feel warm inside and his cheeks became even more intensely colored.

Seeing this, Severus frowned and Harry quickly bowed his head, mentally telling himself to stay calm. But it was easy to say "stay calm" when Severus was sitting only a meter away from him. And if you include the bottom of the table, it's even closer. Or maybe if he tried hard enough, he could even touch him with his foot...

No no, no! Not now! It's too dangerous. But damn, he's so close...

Harry mentally scolded himself and forced himself to sit still.

"Potter, you're acting like a Blast-Ended-Screw just before the explosion," Snape growled quietly, frowning at him. "If my company upsets you so much, maybe you could switch places with someone? I think it will be safer for... you," the Potions Master concluded, although the pause before the last word suggested that he intended to say something completely different.

Harry bristled. He wanted to sit across from Severus! You can't get kicked out of here just because Snape thinks Harry can't control himself. He knew he was a little nervous, but he just needed some time to calm down.

"Thank you, Professor," he replied calmly "but I feel good where I am. I can assure you that I'm not going to explode unless you do it first, of course."

Something behind the man's eyes sparkled at those words, and Harry chuckled to himself.

Round one completed, and it looked like Harry had scored.

"Oh, I assure you, Potter, I'll soon turn into a cross between an erumpent and a fire doxy," Snape drawled, fixing Harry with a darkened but strangely shining gaze. And Harry felt something turn in his stomach as he remembered the properties of the crossbred blood of a erumpent and a fire doxy.

Did, did Snape just admit that he also...? And even more...

Harry blinked, trying to mentally get his jaw back from the floor.

Okay, let's say it's a draw.

While Harry was preparing some retort, Dumbledore stood up and all conversation at the table immediately stopped.

"I'm glad we're all gathered here. I hope that these holidays will be successful for us and will bring hope, so needed in these difficult times. I wish you all perseverance and courage on the winding paths of life, fraught with obstacles and difficult choices, but know that you will always find your way if you only follow the light of love. I also wish that this holiday will change something in your life, so that you can live it with joy and a smile on your face" Dumbledore glanced at the sour Snape, and his eyes twinkled. "And I hope that we will also meet here next year, regardless of what happens in the meantime." Harry, sitting across from Snape, saw the man turn his head and frown, fixing his gaze on the candle burning in the candlestick. "And now that's enough, because you're probably as hungry as I am. Merry Christmas, full belly and have fun!"

Everyone started applauding, including Harry. The Potions Master clapped twice, glanced at Harry's face, and quickly returned his gaze to the candle flame.

That was... weird, Harry thought, but he was quickly drawn into the laughter and enthusiasm that almost everyone around him was exuding. Platters with various delicacies appeared on the table and began to pass from hand to hand, as did whispers and conversations. Harry didn't even have a moment to think about a retort to Snape, who was the only one who didn't share in the collective joy.

"I'm glad I stayed, and you, Harry?" Luna asked, helping herself to a whole plate of mushroom pudding. "I didn't know that Christmas at Hogwarts could be so nice."

"I'm happy too," Harry replied, and out of the corner of his eye he glanced at Severus, who was leaning over his plate. That was weird. He sat so close to him that he could almost smell him, and he couldn't touch him or even look at him for too long without it seeming suspicious. But his mere presence, so damn close, was enough to make his body break out in goosebumps all the time, especially when their feet accidentally brushed against each other under the table a few times and Harry had to hold his breath to keep from sighing and smiled to himself that strange dreamy smile he hated so much.

"I see," Luna smiled and shoveled a spoonful of pudding into her mouth before Harry could give her an indignant look. As she swallowed, a blissful look of satisfaction appeared on her face, and Harry felt a pang in his stomach as he remembered where and in what situation he had last seen such an expression on her face. "Something happened?" she asked, looking at him and frowning.

"No," Harry muttered, leaning over his own plate and fighting with all his strength to keep the blush from spreading to his cheeks.

Luna moved closer to him and whispered in his ear "I really liked the Headmaster's speech. I feel like he's trying to tell us something."

"Like what?" Harry turned his head to her and frowned. All he remembered was that Dumbledore was saying what he always said, that love would win or something like that and blah blah blah. He didn't believe it. How could love defeat the most powerful wizard in the world? It's true that it saved him when he was little, but it didn't defeat Voldemort. Many of the people he killed also loved their loved ones, and that didn't prevent them from dying. No, he absolutely didn't believe it.

Luna swallowed and thought for a moment. "I don't know how to put it. I think he meant that no matter what we are or what we have done, everything in our lives can change if we just let a little warmth into our hearts. And even if at first it may seem that everything is falling apart, in the end this warmth will keep us alive and can make everything take a completely different turn."

"Fine," Harry said bitterly. "Maybe I'll send this in a Christmas card to Voldemort, and he'll reconsider his actions and take the path of light."

He didn't know he said it so loudly. He only realized it when several people sitting closest looked at him with reproach and surprise. Including Snape. Mentioning Voldemort at Christmas dinner wasn't very subtle.

"I'm sorry," Harry muttered, but Luna didn't seem affected at all.

"I know you don't believe me," she said quietly. "But I also know that if it weren't for this warmth, we wouldn't be here, and You-Know-Who would have taken over the entire world a long time ago. And there would be no you. It binds us together and strengthens us, even if you don't see it."

"I do see it..." he whispered, feeling an unpleasant pressure in his chest. "But I'm the one with the scar on my forehead and I'll be the one who will stand in front of him one day and I don't know how warmth or love could help me then." He didn't like this conversation. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to think about it. Not now, not today. "I'm sorry, can we change the subject?"

Luna looked at him for a moment without saying a word, as if she was considering something, then smiled slightly. "All right. But if you ever want to talk, I'm here. Daddy often talked to me when he saw something bothering me and I always felt better afterwards. I felt like he knew it even better than me. And something's still bothering you, Harry."

How the hell could she know that? He didn't have it written all over his face, did he? Even Hermione, who was damn observant, never told him that outright.

He stared at his baked fish on the plate and grunted incoherently in response.

"Harry!" Hagrid cooed loudly, sitting a few seats away on the teachers' side of the table. "How's the party going? I drifted away at some point and I don't remember how it all ended."

"Uh..." Harry replied. How could he know? He didn't remember it himself.

"Very interesting," Luna answered for him. "Harry tried to climb the Christmas tree, but we pulled him down." Harry felt Severus' hard gaze on him, but he pretended not to see it.

"Hoho, really? You let your hair down, Harry! I'm not saying I was better, but those Aberfoth drinks are quite messy. Don't let me see you trying them someday!" he wagged his big finger, but in an extremely friendly way.

Harry glanced at Tonks. She was unhealthily flushed. She seemed to realize that she had gone a bit overboard by letting everyone get drunk like that, and she seemed to be feeling a little guilty, but it was better that they did it under her supervision than if they had to try such attractions on their own. Now Harry was at least sure he would never drink alcohol again. He had learned enough.

He looked at Severus. The man smiled sneeringly under his breath, but didn't say anything. He looked like he couldn't wait to report her to the Headmaster and bring down Tonks, and he was happy just thinking about it.

He raised his head for a moment and met Harry's eyes. Triumph flashed in his eyes. Harry knew that look, but there was nothing he could do about it. Snape had promised not to tell about Tonks and... one of the students, but he could really drag her down for being an 'irresponsible ignorant.' Harry knew he would definitely do it and that he would be right.

When the conversation turned to the topic of the party, Tonks perked up visibly. Hagrid tormented them with stories about his next "little ones", and the Headmaster recalled old times and told anecdotes from the past, when he was not yet the head of Hogwarts. Everyone seemed to be in an incredibly good mood. Harry forgot about his earlier conversation with Luna and listened with interest as Tonks talked about the manhunt for several extremely dangerous wizards who used young Muggle women in their practices. At one point, the Headmaster had to interject and asked her to limit the detailed descriptions of these practices because there were children at the table. Everyone started laughing. Only the Potions Master looked like he had swallowed a lemon the whole time. As if he just wanted to get away from here... and Harry wanted to run away with him. He knew that he could make him laugh much more effectively and improve his mood. And he wanted to do it as quickly as possible.

"Harry, could you pass me some scones?" Tonks asked, interrupting another story for a moment.

Harry held out his hand, but Luna was faster. She grabbed the basket of bread and, smiling shyly, handed it to Tonks. Their hands brushed for a split second, and at that moment Nymphadora's hair glowed a little brighter. Anyone who wasn't watching closely wouldn't even have noticed it, but Harry was watching. And not only him. He saw Snape smirk and turn his head, looking at Harry.

"He knows!" ran through Gryffindor's head.

Of course he knows, he's not a blind ignorant. He can observe, and since he knew who to observe and from what angle, he very quickly noticed what was impossible not to notice.

Harry wonder when he found out. He must have suspected it for a long time. After all, Harry had seen the looks the two ladies were giving each other throughout the evening. Oh shit! Does this mean that if someone was watching him as closely and saw the looks he was giving Snape, would they be able to guess?

He looked around nervously at the people sitting at the table, but everyone was just talking to each other, eating, exchanging comments on various topics or giggling. No one stared at him. Fortunately. Everyone seemed extremely animated and happy. Everyone except Severus.

Snape seemed completely disconnected and isolated. A dark, motionless spot between colorful, animated and laughing matter. It was maybe a bit strange, but Harry felt the same way. He only dreamed that everyone would disappear, that it would be over, that he could be in the dungeons and... be with him.

He needed some contact. Right now. He wanted to see that spark of animation in the black eyes. A spark that only Harry seemed to be able to cause.

Without realizing what he was doing, he kicked off his shoe and very slowly began to move his foot. At that moment he was blessing the long Christmas tablecloth that covered the entire table, completely covering even his thighs.

Pretending to eat his portion of fish cake, he moved his foot slowly and carefully, expecting at any moment to encounter...

There it is!

Snape looked up at him in surprise, but quickly regained his composure and assumed a cool expression. Harry, smiling to himself, slowly began to move his foot along the man's calf, feeling the thin material of his trousers under his toes. He didn't get very far, however, because Severus abruptly moved his leg away, knocking Harry's foot to the floor. Then, without even trying to be gentle, he stepped on his toes.

Harry hissed and grimaced, spitting out the food and choking.

"Sloppy as ever," Snape growled, giving him a look that anyone else would have mistaken for disgust, but Harry saw it as a warning. "Your mouth is so small, Potter, that you can't even keep food inside it?"

Harry felt a blush rising to his cheeks.

"Stop commenting on my mouth and start working with yours," Harry replied quietly, trying to speak so softly that no one could hear exactly what he said.

To his satisfaction, he saw a flash of surprise in Severus's eyes.

"This will cost you ten points, Potter," the man hissed.

"Severus," Dumbledore said, breaking away from the conversation with Professor McGonagall. "I don't know why our dear Harry has upset you so much, but don't you think that taking away the points during the holidays is not very, shall we say, encouraging?"

The Potions Master snorted and turned his head away. "Does that mean we have to let them destroy this castle and I'm not allowed to punish certain very insufferable brats by taking even one point from them?"

"Oh, Severus, I don't know why you're so grimacing," Professor McGonagall interjected. "It's Christmas, after all. Headmaster, I recently met..." She leaned towards Dumbledore to continue the conversation. Apparently she had decided that she would not spoil her mood by arguing with Severus Snape.

Harry knew he should be angry at Snape for taking away his points, but he couldn't. He felt even more excited now. It took their little game a notch higher. Oh, why did he love balancing on that thin rope so much, seeing how far he could go before he fell into the abyss?

He moved closer to the table to have more room to maneuver. Pretending to be very busy with his plate, he quickly raised his leg and touched it to Severus' knee, quickly finding his way and running his toes along his thigh. He felt a shiver as his foot approached the man's crotch, he almost touched it, he felt the coldness of his body warm... but at the same moment he felt Snape's hand grab his foot and crush it in an iron grip. He clenched his teeth and lips to hold back a moan. He thought about trying to pull his leg away, but he couldn't do it without risking his knee hitting the counter. Severus didn't let go, though. He squeezed even harder, clearly enjoying the deep lines of pain that appeared on Harry's forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn't so pleasant anymore. It wasn't pleasant at all. Damn, why does he always have to provoke him? He knew he would regret it, but he didn't think that Severus...

At the same moment, the man let go of his foot, throwing it to the floor. Harry snapped his eyes open, but before he could react in any way, the faintest touch of magic washed over him, and he discovered he couldn't move his leg, and he can't lift it off the ground. The second one as well.

He looked at Severus and saw that the man, with an expression of triumph on his face, reached out from under the table, gave him a look shining with malice and leaned over his plate to finish his meal in peace.

Damn him!

Harry jerked his thighs once and twice, but his legs didn't move, as if they were stuck to the floor with a permanent adhesive spell. He sincerely hoped that this was not the case, otherwise he would be in very serious trouble after the meal.

As the dinner ended and everyone began to rise from their seats, thanking for the pleasant company, and go to their rooms, Harry began to feel nervous. The effects of the spell did not wear off. The Potions Master stood up, gave him a sneer and left the Great Hall. And Harry had to stay.

"Harry, aren't you coming?" Luna asked, looking at him with surprise.

"What? No, I still..." He grabbed his fork and helped himself to another portion of potatoes. "I'm still hungry and I'll just stay here and eat... this." He jerked his legs a few times, but they didn't move.

"As you wish. See you." She smiled, waved at him and jumped up and ran out of the room. When everyone had left and Harry was left alone, he began to get very worried. He hoped Snape won't make him stay here all night. He was supposed to go see him after dinner, but he has to...

Puff!

The legs came off the floor with a soft pop. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. He rubbed his numb feet, put on his shoes, and walked out of the Great Hall with a slight limp. He found a statue of an angry ghoul and pulled out a black bag from behind it. He put on his invisibility cloak and headed for the dungeons. In the office, he took it off, took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his beating heart, and entered.

"Your behavior at the dinner was absolutely unacceptable, Potter! You're lucky I showed you enough mercy not to leave you there all night." These were the first words Severus greeted him with.

Harry ignored the tirade and, determined that NOTHING would spoil the Christmas for him, he approached the man and, smiling broadly, said: "Good evening, Severus."

He stood on his tiptoes, hugged the man by the neck and... kissed him on the corner of his mouth. Gently and almost imperceptibly, but he heard Severus inhale. He had no intention of doing so. He wanted to kiss him on the cheek, but when he got so close... it just happened... He pulled away slowly, looking up at the man watching him suspiciously. Something flickered in Severus' eyes. Something unknown. Harry didn't know what it was, but it felt so... warm. And impatient.

"I see you're in a good mood," Severus said sourly. But even though it didn't come off as mockingly as it was intended to. Harry understood the hint. He needed to give any explanation.

"It was just innocent fun. You were sitting there so sad, so I thought..."

"I'm not being sad, Potter," Snape replied mockingly. Harry stepped back and placed the bag on the chair. He could clearly feel Severus's gaze glued to him, wandering over his figure in slow, thoughtful circles. As if the man was thinking about something, as if, despite the verbal fights they were having with each other, he was thinking intensely about something completely different.

"Okay. You're being gloomy. That's better?" Harry chuckled, seeing the look Snape gave him, but the man seemed to finally give up, seeing that in the state of joyful excitement in which Harry was currently, there was little he could do.

"What kind of bag is this?" he asked, sinking into his green armchair with a sigh.

Harry grinned. "Oh, that's... I brought a few little things, which... you'll see for yourself."

He turned his back to the man so as not to see the expression on his face, and then pulled out a small, colorful Christmas tree decorated with baubles from the bag. He placed it in the middle of the table and smiled smugly, and then quickly, before the Potions Master could recover and utter a word of disagreement, he pulled several green and gold chains and lights from the bag and, dragging them behind him, moved towards the fireplace and shelves.

"Potter..." Severus' strangled voice reached his ears, sounding as if he had to break through his teeth, which were clenched almost to the point of breaking. "Can you tell me what you're doing?"

Without looking at Snape, Harry stood on his tiptoes and hooked the chain around the corner of one of the shelves, then dragged it so that it was hanging just above the fireplace.

"I decided it was necessary to introduce some Christmas spirit here. I hope you don't mind, Severus..."

Oh, long live the Slytherin side of him! He was even starting to like it.

"You decided, is that so? You decided?" Snape's voice was starting to sound more and more like a hiss. "Get this garbage out of here now!"

"It's just a few decorations," Harry replied carelessly, pretending he had no idea what all the fuss was about. He hooked the tinsel to the corner of the bookcase and decorated a large part of the wall with it. He looked at his work with a smile and returned to his chair. "Well, it's much more... Christmassy now." He looked at Severus and frowned at the furious gaze that was fixed on him. "Please, Severus, it's only for a few days." Since pretending to be carefree didn't help, he has to go to the "begging" option.

"That's a few days too long," the man growled and pulled out his wand to get rid of the unwanted decorations. When the chain and trinkets were placed in the bag, Harry's smile fell off his face. Severus pointed his wand at the Christmas tree on the table and glanced at him. Their eyes met. Harry looked away and lowered his head, waiting for the man to destroy his good intentions and great mood. Nothing happened, though. Harry looked up at the untouched Christmas tree and then at Snape as he placed the bag on the floor.

"Thank you," Harry whispered, feeling the warmth inside him grow again.

"But not longer than a few days."

The boy nodded vigorously, smiling gratefully as Severus stood up and walked over to the bar. He was preparing something in it for a while. Harry leaned back in his chair and stared into the fire.

It was nice. Even very nice. Severus didn't growl at him, and in fact seemed... to enjoy his company. He seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood, and if Severus was in a good mood, then Harry was automatically happy too.

He turned his head to Snape, who was walking back to his chair, to tell him that he was glad he was spending Christmas with him, but the words died on his lips when he saw what Snape was holding in his hand.

Steaming butterbeer with a huge amount of foam.

He watched in shock as the man placed them on the table in front of him and sat down in his armchair with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"I prepared this for you, Potter, because, for obvious reasons, you can't drink anything else," Severus said, as if to end any suspicions about his intentions.

But Harry didn't believe a word of it. He couldn't say anything for now, so he reached for the beer and brought it to his lips. It smelled like cinnamon.

He looked at Severus with twinkling eyes and smiled mischievously. "I wonder how you knew I liked them?"

"Every student at this school would die for a pint of this stuff," Severus replied, trying to sound contemptuous. "It wasn't hard to guess."

"Mmm..." Harry muttered, inhaling the wonderful, sweet scent. "And that cinnamon..."

Snape's eyes flashed warningly and Harry hid his chuckle by burying his mouth in the sweet foam.

Severus remembered his request. Why did such a small gesture make him feel like his heart wanted to fly out of his chest?

The man took a sip from his glass, never taking his eyes off Harry. There was something... thirsty in his eyes. He ran his eyes down his red shirt, then looked back at his face. Behind that look there was something that wanted to get Harry, and the boy felt it, because it sent goosebumps up his body.

Trying to calm his racing heart, Harry took a few sips and sighed contentedly. The beer was delicious. Even better than at The Three Broomsticks, and even better than the one the elves prepare. It had a pinch of something spicy in it. It tasted completely different and... Harry looked at Severus and his eyes widened.

Is it possible that Snape prepared it himself?

It was, it was...

"It's delicious," he finally said in a dreamy voice. "You should try, Severus. You would change your mind about it immediately."

"I must refuse," Severus replied, still looking at Harry. It burned strangely and seemed to glow more and more with each passing moment.

Harry felt a pleasant warmth spread over his body along with the beer and warm him. He smiled at the man and suddenly blurted out "Are you happy that we're spending Christmas together?" Snape's face turned sour. "I know you're happy," Harry continued, undeterred by the lack of response. He knew that Snape would never willingly admit it. "I'm very happy. I'm glad that everyone has finally left me alone and that I can be here with you as long as I want and we can just sit together and drink butterbeer. And be happy," he finished a bit lamely, feeling his words mingled a little.

"Potter, if even a Butterbeer makes you act like you're drunk, there's something seriously wrong with you," Snape replied calmly after a moment of silence.

Harry blushed. He didn't want to babble, but sometimes he couldn't help himself, and when he tried to talk his way out of it, he started babbling even more. Just like right now.

"Well, I have the right to be happy. We're here together, it's Christmas, it's nice and..." he looked around the surroundings "...and we have such a nice Christmas tree."

Snape's eyebrows went up.

"But you're not going to climb it?" he asked mockingly.

Harry tried and failed to glare at him while trying not to blush.

Severus snorted into his glass and Harry swore he saw the faint smile on his lips and his poor attempt to hide it.

He grinned. He knew that only he could make Severus laugh, and he felt simply great with this knowledge. Only he, only he could bring a smile to the always stern face of the Potions Master. Or at least something very similar.

Then he remembered something very important that was hidden in his pocket. A gift for Severus. He lowered his head and cleared his throat. He wanted to give it to him, but he still wondered how and when to do it, but in the end he decided that this moment was as good as any, and Snape was in a particularly good mood right now, so everything should go well. He reached into his pocket, feeling his heart speed up to a gallop.

"I have something for you." He swallowed and took out the gift. He tapped his wand on the small package that had grown in his hands and, fully aware of the man's staring at him, he set it on the table. "Merry Christmas, Severus," he said quietly, not daring to raise his eyes to look at Snape. He pulled away and stared at the table, feeling a nervous flutter in his stomach.

Snape is about to open it... Snape is about to read it... Snape is about to see it... and hear it!

His heart went into vibrato when he saw the man reach for the package. Only now did he dare to look up. Curiosity was stronger than fear.

Severus looked suspiciously at the note attached to the package. He carefully took it in his hand and opened it.

Harry bit his lip and his heart stopped.

The man's pupils ran over the text inside. At first his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised slightly. A darker shade appeared on the eternally pale cheeks. His gaze snapped up and landed on Harry for a split second, only to run away the next moment, but Harry had already noticed something strange about it. It wasn't joy or surprise. Not even anger. It was more like... embarrassment.

The boy frowned. Why did Severus look away when he read what Harry wrote? It wasn't like him. As if... he didn't want to look him in the eyes.

The man apparently quickly regained his composure, because he looked at the package again and with inexplicable anger tore the ribbon off it. When he opened the box, Harry froze. He watched Severus' face like a hawk, not wanting to lose any of the small displays of emotion he was showing.

At first he saw... astonishment. Snape reached into the box and the moment he touched the pair of animals squirming in a lazy embrace, they immediately came to life. He lifted them up and looked at them curiously for a moment. The snake wrapped itself around the lion's neck, gripping him like it would never let go. The lion seemed to like it, though.

After the first inspection, Severus grimaced and looked at Harry with malicious amusement. "Is this some kind of veiled metaphor, Potter?" How... subtle. Well, well, I guess I'll have to devote a few evenings of study to discover what that could mean... I'm unable to guess it right now."

Harry swallowed, feeling the bitterness rising in his throat.

"It's... not only... There's something else... I... recorded..." he stammered.

"Oh, is there anything else?" Snape interrupted him. "Any other amazing, equally subtle surprise? I can't wait."

Harry gritted his teeth, feeling his heart sink into his stomach and an unusual weight press down on his shoulders. All his joy suddenly disappeared and he couldn't hide it. He felt disappointed and humiliated, but he could have prepared for this. He knew what Snape was like. He knew he was masking his true feelings with mockery. He has already understood this. It still hurt, though...

He knew all these emotions were clearly visible on his face. He saw the mocking expression on Severus's face suddenly melt away, replaced by... something extremely serious... but Harry didn't want to find out what it was. He lowered his head and bit his lip.

"It doesn't matter anymore," he muttered under his breath, fighting the bitter feeling of disappointment that flooded his insides and tightened his throat.

Why was Severus never able to accept a gift normally and at least lie that he liked it? Why did he always have to mock and act like he didn't care about Harry's feelings or efforts?

After a moment of silence that hung in the air like an invisible barrier, Harry heard Severus' quiet, somewhat uncertain voice: "You said you've recorded someth--"

"I'm sorry you don't like it," Harry interrupted. "But I didn't know what... Never mind. You can throw it away."

"Look at me, Potter!" It was an order and Harry automatically looked up. Severus focused his black, strangely flickering pupils on him and said clearly, although it looked like it was very difficult for him. "I didn't say I didn't like it..." he paused for a moment, as if he had difficulty expressing it, but after a while he continued. "I'd love to hear what you recorded. I promise I won't... mock it anymore."

Snape was leaning towards him and staring at him with a serious expression on his face. He looked like he really intended to keep his promise. A moving figure was gleaming in his right hand.

Harry looked at the gift and at the man's face. Again at a gift and at the man's face. He knew what Snape was like, and he knew that this promise must have cost him a lot... and knowing this, he immediately felt better. Snape may have been sneering, but it seemed that despite everything... he really cared. Harry saw it in his eyes and in the serious expression he was looking at him with... and he felt warm inside.

He took a deep breath and decided. After all, he sacrificed himself to prepare it. He knew that what he had done had truly enormous value. At least for him.

He licked his lips and spoke softly. "Give it to me." Severus handed him the figurine. Harry brought it to his mouth and, trying to fight back his blush, whispered to it, "Moan for me."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Snape raise his eyebrows and open his mouth to say something, but at the same moment, sounds began to come from the figurine... Groans and Harry's heavy, increasingly faster panting. He saw the man's eyes widen and begin to shine. He looked at the inconspicuous figure as if it had suddenly turned out to be some precious jewel.

"Later," Harry interrupted, tapping the figurine with his wand and feeling his cheeks heat up. But Severus didn't look away, and the expression on his face could only be described as completely absorbed. "If you want, you can listen to it yourself later... When I'm not around..." he whispered. "I know you like my moans," he added boldly, looking straight into the man's face.

A smirk appeared on Severus's lips, and when he took his eyes off the figurine and looked into Harry's eyes... the boy felt a sudden, painful pressure in his groin as he saw the same impatient, predatory waiting there again.

"I like bringing you to them even more," Severus whispered softly, making something in Harry's stomach turn.

He swallowed and, trying to control his racing heart, handed the figurine to the man and watched furtively as Severus put it back in the box, as carefully as if he was afraid it would fall and break. Harry hid the smile that imperceptibly appeared on his lips.

And yet... it was worth it.

Severus stood up and took the box back to place it on one of the shelves. Harry leaned back in his chair, in a clearly better mood, and looked into the fire, taking a few sips of the now slightly cooler, and therefore probably even tastier, butterbeer, still having the man's fascinated face in his mind and chuckling to himself.

When Snape returned, Harry heard a soft thud, as if something hard had been placed on the table. He turned his head and saw an inconspicuous ball lying in the middle of the countertop.

He looked at the man with a question written on his face.

"This is your gift," Severus announced, plopping down in the other chair.

Harry's eyes widened. He looked at the ball and then back at Snape. At the ball and at Snape.

"T-this... for m-me?" he finally gasped, too shocked to hide it.

Severus gave him a gift? The world was probably ending. Even in his wildest dreams, he couldn't imagine Snape ever doing something so...sentimental. But he did it! He thought of him! He cared!