41. Break me

 

Trembling, crawling across my skin
Feeding your cold, dead eyes
Stealing the life of mine

I believe in you
I can show you that I can see right through
All your empty lies*

 

Could I come to you now, Severus?

Harry opened his eyes and looked once again at the Marauder's Map lying next to him on the bed. It was a few minutes before noon. An hour ago he had seen Snape enter his secret laboratory and hide there like doxies in the old, threadbare curtains at 12 Grimmauld Place, which he, Hermione and the Weasley family were removing with Doxycide. However, these events seemed so distant to him, as if they had occurred in another life. However, when he felt the stone in his hand warming up, his thoughts quickly returned to the present moment.

I don't have time now, Potter. Do not bother me.

Harry sighed deeply, staring at the glowing letters, and leaned forward, resting his face on his hand in the pose of the Thinker once seen in one of the art albums that Aunt Petunia passionately collected to show off to her neighbors, but which she never even looked at.

Clutching the stone in his hand and feeling a wave of disappointment flowing down his back, he couldn't stop the chaotic thoughts that were involuntarily sent to Snape:

It's... too bad... I just... miss you so much and I thought... I'd like to cuddle with you. But it doesn't matter anymore. Sorry.

Damn it!

He dropped the jewel from his hand and let it fall to the sheets.

As usual, he acted like a fool. But it wasn't his fault that he wanted to talk to Severus so desperately. He barely slept tonight, thinking about everything that had happened between them lately, and from the moment he opened his eyes, all he could think about was going to Snape as soon as possible and telling him everything... everything that--

Damn it!

Severus wasn't at breakfast and Harry hadn't seen him since yesterday, since that... strange encounter in the Ancient Runes class.

It was only when he had come back to himself like if he was drunk - his thoughts so tangled that he suspected that the Gordian Knot looked like a tiny knot compared do them - when he plopped down on the bed with a sigh, pressed his face into the pillow, closed his eyes and let his thoughts flow freely... only then was he able to analyze everything that had happened.

Snape apologized to him. At last. Well, let's say he apologized. Or at least he said something that would probably pass for an apology in his dictionary, if the man even knew the word. And Harry knew it must have cost him a lot...

He was so absorbed in his sorrow at that moment, though, that he didn't notice it at all. But, all things considered... should he really react so emotionally? Because, let's be honest, he wasn't born today. He already knew Severus well enough to... maybe not necessary understand, but at least predict his behavior. It wasn't the first or last time Snape said something that hurt him. Should it hurt him so much?

Of course it should. Because really, when he thought about it now, it wasn't about what the man had said at that moment, but about... everything. He was moving away, rejecting him, pulling away from him, and it was visible! And then he brazenly denied it! And in the end he treated him like shit!

This was the final straw. Sometimes we don't even know, we don't feel how every smallest gesture, look, seemingly insignificant words fill us, nesting deep in our hearts. This happens even when we pretend that nothing like that's happened. And at some point it's too late. Another inconspicuous word breaks the dam and everything spills out, and the smaller the isthmus, the harder is the blind stream, pressing under such pressure that nothing can stop it. It pulsates and rips holes, widening the crack through which accumulated sorrow flows out.

I wish we were here alone, without it. Just you and me.

...

...just you and me...

...

...you and me...

Severus' words echoed in his head and Harry wondered why he couldn't do what the man asked him to do? Why couldn't he forget about this sorrow? Why didn't he listen to Snape and he let the bitterness take complete control of him, guiding his every word, every gesture, flowing from his mouth and biting deeply?

He promised... He knew what he was like... He promised him...

...no matter what you do or what happens... I will always be on your side. With you.

Oh, he actually kept his promise. He indeed showed understanding and acceptance at the highest level. One word was enough for him to turn into a venom-spewing cobra because Snape had 'hurt him so terribly.'

The man's behavior wasn't okay, but Harry acted like a stupid, selfish puppy taking offense to something he should have become immune to a long time ago. He finally decided to be with him, he knew what it might look like, he made a conscious decision, he promised and...

...and damn it, Severus kissed him, after all! Well, maybe not in the way Harry had dreamed, but those thin lips touched his face of their own free will. They wandered over it, placing gentle kisses on his skin, he felt their warmth, their softness, and at that moment he was so shocked that he felt like he was about to slide down the wall.

Wasn't that confirmation that Severus cared about him after all? And he turned out to be such a complete coward when the man let him go and turned to leave without a word. He just stood against the wall like an idiot, staring at the black cloak flowing from Snape's increasingly receding shoulders, and didn't say a word. He didn't stop him! Hell, Merlin knew that if he had remembered how to use his vocal chords back then, he would have screamed at the top of his lungs to go back and not leave him speechless and in complete chaos.

Was Severus still angry at him, or did he think they had everything sorted out? Did he blame him for not being able to stop the sorrow from flowing, or did he feel that he had already paid him back?

Harry didn't deny that what the man had done to him was... hell, he couldn't even describe it. It was sick. But he was well aware that part of the fault was also his.

And now he knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. Pretending nothing happened would be the easiest solution. But sometimes, when you want to reach your goal, the seemingly simplest path can lead you astray or end suddenly with a sharp, steep cliff. And then you have to choose the more difficult path, which, despite bumps and sudden deadly turns, will be the only one that will take you to the place you want to go. And Harry definitely knew where he wanted to go.

He needs to talk to him! Convince him that what he said was true. That he really thinks so. That he's not just a stupid, naive kid. That he doesn't make empty promises, and when things start to get complicated, it turns out that it was all just a lie, that there are no actions behind the words.

And he will prove it to him!

He got up this morning with this determination. And now he was sitting and wondering how to get the man to meet him. He looked again at the stone lying on the bed and took it in his hand.

Oh well. In that case, I'll hug the Potions textbook instead. Your loss.

 

***

Hidden under the invisibility cloak, Harry looked at the Marauder's Map again. Even though it was the middle of the night, he'd been sitting on the stone floor outside Snape's office and waiting for him for several minutes. As soon as he saw that the man was returning across the grounds to the castle and heading straight to the Headmaster's office. After all, he must finally come back to his chambers! He disappeared for almost the entire day and Harry didn't have a chance to catch him earlier. He didn't even show up at the modest New Year's Eve celebration that the Headmaster organized in the Great Hall that evening. Even the fireworks couldn't stop Harry's thoughts from constantly drifting towards the absent Severus. Remembering how his last unannounced visit had ended, he decided that he would never go to him uninvited again, but it was the only way he could talk to him, as it seemed to him that the man was avoiding him. Well, it had only been a day and Snape seemed a bit busy, but Harry decided not to wait. The sooner he gets this done, the better.

Oh! Snape finally left Dumbledore's office!

The boy carefully followed the black dot moving through the castle. Yes, he was coming here!

He jumped to his feet and stuffed the map into his pocket, staring down the dark, long corridor. It seemed to him that time was stretching on like a rubber band and that he had been waiting for an eternity, when a tall figure loomed in the distance.

He took a deep breath, feeling his heart begin to speed up and staring at the distant figure with such intensity that his eyes almost began to water. Yes, it was Severus. Even from a distance he could recognize those long, decisive steps, the proud, upright figure and the robes flowing with every movement. Once the man was close enough, Harry reached for his cloak with the intention of removing it, but as the Potions Master stepped into the circle of light cast by the nearest torch, he froze and his eyes widened.

Severus was wearing Death Eater robes. Blood-stained Death Eater robes. In his hand he carried a white mask, covered with red, not yet completely dried drops, and his face...

Harry swallowed, automatically moving back to the wall and pressing his back against it.

It wasn't that the man's face looked deep in thought, it wasn't that his black eyebrows were knitted in an expression of anger, or even something that went far beyond anger and was dangerously close to the edge of fury, it wasn't even about tightly and almost painfully pursed lips. It was about his gaze. Alien and distant. It was about the eyes through which he saw not the Severus Harry knew, but something? something that was emotionless, dark, burning, yes... but burning with ice.

All this together, gathered on that pale, sharp face, covered with hair sticked with blood, made Harry start shaking and he couldn't control it. All his courage seemed to evaporate from him. He was just standing against the wall, unable to move and staring at Snape, who was approaching.

He knew exactly where Severus was and what he was doing, so wasn't this the perfect opportunity to prove to him, and to himself, that what he was saying was true?

But, but...

The man walked past him and stopped in front of the door leading to the office. He muttered a spell under his breath and Harry watched in horror as the heavy wooden wing opened. He only had a few seconds to make a decision.

He looked at that bent face, now covered by hair, so familiar to him, and he clenched his fists.

It was Severus! His Severus! From the beginning to the end, from those black shoes that looked as if the man was walking in blood-filled puddles in them, to the clumped black hair, which was not velvety at all at the moment!

He has to show him this! Prove him! And this time he won't let the man to throw him out! This time he wouldn't be the one to be broken because there was nothing left in him that the man hadn't broken before.

This time he will be the one to break Severus Snape!

He pushed himself off the wall and quickly slipped into the office just as the door closed. He tiptoed across the room, trying to keep up with the man's long steps, and followed him into the chambers. He stopped just inside the door, taking a deep, shaky breath and trying to ignore the way his heart was trying to flow out of his chest.

He needs to pull himself together! Severus was standing motionless a few steps in front of him, staring at the crackling fire in the fireplace.

Now or never!

With trembling hands, he reached for his cloak and began to take it off.

Hearing a rustle, Severus turned around so abruptly that Harry's heart jumped into his throat. He took a step back when he saw the wand pointed at him and the man's murderous glare.

After a split second, surprise appeared on the stern face, and Harry felt relief flow down his spine. He swallowed, trying to force his voice to sound firm and decisive.

"Good evening, Severus."

He didn't wait for any answer. He knew he wouldn't get it. He expected only blade-like anger. And he was not disappointed.

The man's eyes burned with something unpleasant and so... off-putting that Harry's body shuddered involuntarily.

"Get out!" Snape growled, lowering his wand slightly, but not completely hiding it. "I don't feel like having to deal with your company." The way he said it, the way he spat it out, was so full of reluctance, as if just looking at Harry right now filled him with nothing but disgust.

The boy bit his lip, feeling that his heart was racing at such a pace that nothing could stop it. Or force a retreat. He assumed a rebellious pose and with a sudden movement he completely removed the cloak, letting it fall softly to the floor.

"No," he replied through his teeth. "I'll stay where I am. I didn't come to argue with you, just to tell you--"

"No?" the man interrupted him, raising an eyebrow and curving his lips into something like a bitter smile. "Then why don't you sit down and wait while I wash off the blood of all the muggles I killed today? I'm sure you're wondering how long they were dying before they asked me to finish them off." Snape took a step towards the bathroom, as if he really intended to do what he said, but when he saw the terrified, disbelieving look Harry was staring at him, he stopped and smiled evilly. "Is there something you don't like, Potter? You know who you're dealing with. And if not, I can show you right now..." He raised his wand and pointed it at the boy standing motionless and staring at him with wide eyes.

Harry knew he was shaking and couldn't control it. The man standing before him was a Death Eater from start to finish. This wasn't Severus he knew and missed. However, he told himself that the man standing in front of him was also Severus. Despite the coldness radiating from him, despite the madness burning in his eyes, despite everything he said... And he needs to get him out. To call him.

"Severus..." he said quietly, looking carefully at the repulsively contorted face.

There was no reaction. The man still looked at him as if Harry was his worst enemy and kept pointing his wand at him. The boy swallowed and licked his suddenly dry lips.

"You won't scare me," he finally drawled, looking straight into the black eyes that were trying to tear him apart. "I've gotten to know you well enough and I know exactly who I'm dealing with." He paused for a moment and took a breath. "You kill. You torture. You hurt. You push me away when I want to get closer to you. And when you start to care, you run away out of fear of disappointment..."

"Shut up!" Snape's strangely trembling voice split the air like a scalpel. "Get out of here right now! If you don't leave, I swear you'll regret it!"

Harry's body twitched, as if on its own it was trying to listen and back away before it was too late, but Harry forced himself to stay where he was.

"No," he said decisively.

He saw Snape's fingers tighten on his wand.

"Get out!" the man repeated once again, his face hidden in the shadows was radiating something truly terrifying.

"NO!" Harry almost screamed, unable to control the shaking of his whole body. "Have you gone deaf? I said I wouldn't go anywhere!"

"Affictio!" A stream of red light shot out of Snape's wand and rushed towards Harry, hitting him straight in the stomach. The boy bent in half, feeling unimaginable pain shooting through his muscles. He felt as if all the veins in his body had burst. He screamed shakily and clutched his stomach as the force of the impact knocked him back. He fell to the floor with such force that his head hit the stone floor.

At first he saw nothing but darkness. His head was pounding and it looked like he had lost his glasses. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, feeling the last waves of the slowly fading pain, and looked around for his glasses, despite the blurred vision. He felt them a foot apart, wiping the warm stream of blood from his nose with his sleeve. He put the glasses back on his nose and slowly stood up, staring at Snape, who was still pointing his wand at him, with an unyielding, hard gaze.

"Is that all you can afford?" he muttered quietly, wiping the blood again and feeling the taste of it on his lips. All his muscles hurt. "Come on. Let it all out. Throw Cruciatus at me!"

Snape's eyes, narrowed in utter fury, widened for a moment. The hand gripping the wand was trembling, as was his entire body, tense as a string. He was struggling with himself and Harry could clearly see the confusion on his face. And he saw his mouth opening, as if Severus was actually getting ready to utter the unforgivable curse. The man licked his thin lips and Harry stared at them like a hawk, waiting for the spell, almost seeing in his mind's eye the words of the curse flowing from those lips and...

"Well, I'm waiting!" he exclaimed, taking a step closer to the man who was aiming at him and looked as if he was on the verge of exploding.

"Stay away!" Snape's voice was strange, distant, hoarse.

But Harry wasn't going to listen to him. He himself had the impression that he was about to crumble into pieces and that he wouldn't be able to bear this tension any longer. He was shaking so much that he had difficulty taking further steps.

"You won't throw me out!" he hissed, his voice breaking. "Not this time! I will stay here. With you. Whatever you try to do to me, whatever curse you throw at me, I won't escape! This time I won't let you push me away!"

The man's eyes flashed with even greater fury. He looked as if he was trying to defend himself against Harry's words, but the shield he had created with the wand pointed at the boy was slowly starting to crack.

Harry took another step, feeling his knees buckle under him. Severus made a move as if he was going to step back, but apparently stopped himself and tightened his grip on the wand. His fingers turned white.

"What are you waiting for? If you hate me that much, then cast it! Show me! Prove me that I am nothing to you!" Harry couldn't hold back his words. His own voice seemed so strained, strangled and hoarse, as if it didn't belong to him. "Prove me that you are as terrifying a Death Eater as you try to show! Because you know that I don't think so!"

Snape's eyes narrowed into tiny slits. Harry saw his mouth open and heard the word hissed: "Cru--"

Without waiting for the rest of the incantation, he rushed forward, wrapping his arms around the man's torso and clinging to him with all his strength, as if he was trying to crush the chasm between them, full of bile and anger, in his embrace. But before his anxious heart could fall back into place, he felt iron hands grip his shoulders and tear him away from the slim body, which was shaking as much as he was. Snape pushed him away with such force that Harry once again landed on the floor, hitting it with his elbows as he tried to support himself. He blinked dazedly and looked up at Severus towering over him, pointing his wand at him again.

"Do you think you can stop me like that?" Harry said, rising to a sitting position and propping himself on his outstretched arms. "Do you think if you push me away again I'll run away crying?"

"This may surprise you, Potter," Snape said through gritted teeth, "but that's exactly what I think. You've proven to me so many times that all I need to do is breathe on you and you instantly turn into a little hurt child. Oh, what a rebellious face... Do you think you can change anything by just chatting? It's just idle talk. Look at me! I murdered four people today. Four defenseless people. Do you see this? Do you see their blood? Do you still want to say that you don't care? Or should I tell you how I did it? Or would you rather want me to show it to you, huh?" Snape looked like a madman at that moment. He was standing right above Harry, leaning over him and pointing his wand between his eyes. "You can't even imagine what I'm capable of, you stupid kid, because you don't know anything! Anything!"

"I'm not afraid of you," Harry replied defiantly, although his cracking voice betrayed the opposite. "I'm not afraid! You can scare me, you can push me away and throw spells at me, but you can't change what you've given me! Because I know you care about me! You will not trick me! I just don't understand... why do you have to complicate everything so much? Why won't you just let me be with you? Why?"

The man paused and stepped back slightly, looking at Harry with an undefined gaze. The boy could have sworn that he saw in those narrowed eyes the seed of some distant, deeply hidden pain that Severus did not want to admit at all costs.

"Potter..." When Snape finally spoke, Harry could barely hear him because his voice seemed to come from far, far away. "Sometimes reality is much more complicated than your cloud-bound imaginations."

Harry tilted his head slightly, feeling a hot stream of anger flow into his heart. His imagination? It sounded as if he had spent his entire life under a glass dome, among family warmth and the loved ones who pampered him. As if he didn't know life from its hardest, most terrible side, lonely and persecuted, forced from childhood to fight with something that even Dumbledore couldn't cope with!

"I know perfectly well what reality looks like! My family has treated me like a house elf for my whole life, and now I'm being hounded by the most dangerous wizard in the world, and everyone expects me to defeat him! Do you think it makes me happy? Do you think I enjoy the thought of one day having to fight him and die? I'm afraid of it?" His voice broke and it took Harry a moment to regain control over it. Severus's face softened a little bit and the man lowered his wand slightly, although his hand was still shaking violently. "I don't want to die," Harry said quietly, looking straight into those piercing, burning eyes. He had the impression that for a moment he saw? suffering in them. Yes, exactly that! Suffering rising from the depths, devouring the soul. But the flames quickly consumed them, and Severus returned to his unwavering gaze.

"You're not the only victim in this war, Potter," the man finally drawled, his voice seeming remarkably composed considering the circumstances. "You're not the first one and you won't be the last one. Do you think that all those who'd died, didn't want to live too? Do you think they wanted to sacrifice their lives? Do you think that only you have to sacrifice something that is dearest to you?!" Snape almost shouted the last sentence, his voice burning with bitter rage, and Harry involuntarily moved back a little, but still did not get up from the cold, stone floor.

"That's not the point!" he shouted. Snape didn't understand anything! Nothing at all! "Not long ago I would have done it without hesitation. I didn't care. But now..." He trailed off, having no idea what he wanted to say. "Now I have... something. You. And I'm afraid because I don't want to lose it. Killing Voldemort used to be the most important thing to me. Now... now you are the most important! Don't you understand this?" he finished quietly, feeling tired and completely burnt out by the whole situation.

The man narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. The hand holding the wand began to tremble even more.

"Sometimes you have to prioritize what's important over what's personal," he said in a hoarse, distant voice. "And you have to accept it, Potter."

"No!" Harry exclaimed, feeling himself losing control again. "I will never accept it! You can reconcile it--"

"Reconcile?" Snape interrupted him. "Believe me, you can't. If you let personal feelings get in the way of your priorities, you've already lost."

Harry frowned, staring at the man with a searching, scrutinizing gaze.

"And what are your priorities, Severus?"

"Don't provoke me, Potter," Snape growled. His voice was shaking very noticeably now. The shield was falling apart.

"I have no intention of doing so," Harry replied calmly. "I just want to know what is so important that prevents you from... being with me. Sometimes I feel like you are trying to discourage me with your behavior. As if you wanted to keep me at a distance. I don't understand why you do this. But I want you to know that your attempts are in vain. It's impossible, because you are always with me..." Harry moved his hand and placed it over his heart, "Here?" he whispered quietly.

Something went dark in Severus' eyes for a moment. His outstretched hand went limp and his wand slipped from his hand and hit the floor. He was standing motionless over Harry, looking at him with a blank, unreadable gaze, as if everything inside him had frozen, gone silent, gone away. As if in this one moment all the walls and barriers that had been separating them disappeared. And only the two of them remained.

Suddenly the man's expression changed. His eyes flashed with heat and his mouth parted as if he was trying to gasp for air. He leaned forward and fell to his knees, pouncing on Harry with such need that it looked as if he was starving and thirsty. As if he desperately needed contact, touch and warmth to continue to exist. And he had to get it, now, right now!

He grabbed Harry's pants and, not bothering to unbutton them, pulled them and his briefs down to his thighs. And before the boy could make a sound, he lifted his legs up and reached for the wand in the back pocket of his jeans. Harry almost didn't feel the touch of magic that touched his buttocks because he couldn't take his eyes off the face bent over him, covered with blood-glazed hair. Snape looked mad, as if he had no control over himself and was only guided by his mad desire.

Harry only had time to tighten his grip on the forearms pinning him to the floor before Severus entered him with one strong thrust. He saw the man's pupils dilate and his open mouth gasp for air as the need-throbbing cock plunged inside him. It felt like those eyes that were boring into him were digging deeper into him, as if they were searching for something that only he could give them.

Snape leaned over him, pulled out and pushed, his pupils dilating even further, exploring, penetrating. Harry pursed his lips tightly, determined not to show any sign of pain. He gave everything to him. Everything Severus wanted. Harry was staring at Severus' face with wide eyes, letting him enter his body, his mind. Offering himself to this man, completely.

After just a few sharp, needy thrusts, Snape froze, and his eyelids drooped over his unnaturally dilated, almost sparkling pupils, slamming them shut in a world of pleasure. Severus came with a deep, guttural moan, and Harry felt the hot cock pulsating inside him, pushing out something else, something hotter. The man's lips stretched into something like a relieved smile.

As the wet cock slid out of him, Harry let his legs, which he held up, fall to the floor. Severus just sighed and fell on him with his full weight, covering him with his body and his black, blood-stained robe. Harry's face was right next to Snape's downward-facing face, pressed with his cheek. He heard his heavy breathing in his ear and felt his slim body tremble. He gently removed his hands from under Severus and wrapped them around his neck, pressing him even tighter.

"Damn you, Potter..." the man panted, and Harry couldn't stop the smile that spread on his lips.

They lay there for a moment in complete, warm silence, so different from the biting, fiery argument that had brought them here. It was filled only with Severus' heavy breathing and Harry's calm breathing.

After a moment of tender silence gently enveloped them, the man moved and slowly propped himself with his arms, although Harry was reluctant to let him go. Severus was leaning over him, looking at him with a look that could only be described as... defeated. Black hair framing that thoughtfully furrowed face, a half-open, deeply breathing mouth, shiny thin lips that had just been moisturized, a large, sharp nose and bottomless eyes shining with something that looked like disbelief.

Harry couldn't take his eyes off him, because it was his Severus. Even though he was still wearing his Muggle blood-stained Death Eater robes, despite the dried drops decorating his forehead and temples... Because everything he had done before really didn't matter at the moment. Here, now... this was the Severus he knew and... loved.

The man raised his black gloved hand and placed it on Harry's cheek. For a moment he simply stared at him without saying a word, as if he had decided to imprint his face permanently in his memory so that he could always recall it. He pressed his index finger to his forehead, right where the scar was, and in a gentle, tender gesture, he ran it along his temple and cheek to his slightly parted lips, leaving a faint, dark red mark. He was devouring with his eyes every part of the face he'd touched, and when his finger ran over Harry's reddened lips, Severus involuntarily licked his own lips. He looked as if his mouth had suddenly gone dry and he desperately needed something to quench his thirst. He slowly moved his finger to Harry's chin and along his neck, lower and lower, across his chest and taut stomach. He raised his hips, resting on his knees and one hand, and ran a finger across Harry's exposed, sensitive lower abdomen to his semi-hard erection lying on his thigh.

The boy gasped, feeling the rough touch slide slowly up the shaft and stop at the very tip of the head of his penis. Then Severus removed his hand and brought it to his mouth. He grabbed the black material on the tip of his index finger that had been tracing Harry's body a moment ago and carefully removed the glove. He put it aside and, looking even more intensely at the boy's wide eyes, he ran his hand down, wrapping it around Harry's warm erection.

Harry sighed and shuddered as he felt the piercing cold of the hand gripping his hardening cock. And before he could even get used to the piercing sensation, Snape started stroking it with his hand. Not at all slowly and gently. On the contrary. Harry's eyes rolled back into his skull and his hands shot up and clutched at the black robe, which may have once been a dark green under all the blood stains covering it, but it was now completely invisible. Snape was moving his hand over Harry's throbbing erection at such a pace as if he wanted to squeeze the orgasm out of him at all costs. As if he needed it even more than the moaning, squirming boy beneath him.

Harry tugged on the black robe, forcing the man to lean even lower over him. Severus dropped to one elbow, and then Harry let go of the fabric and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck, pressing his flushed face hard into the warm skin of the man's collarbone and pressing his lips to it. He wanted to be even closer to him, to feel him with all his being.

Snape's hand certainly wasn't cold anymore, no. The hot, sensory tunnel of fingers squeezing his erection and hitting his quivering, sensitive testicles, combined with the pungent scent of lust filling his nostrils and the salty sweat of the man's skin that he tasted with his parted lips... all of these sensations were so intense, that they seemed to bypass his senses and go straight to his loins, making it only take a few strokes for Harry to come with a loud moan. Severus closed his hand around the head of his throbbing cock, letting it become covered in warm, white streams.

Harry's body arched, shaking convulsively, and his hips jerked upwards, trying to push his cock even harder against that hot hand. The boy squeezed his eyes shut, feeling dizzy, and for a moment he felt as if he would die of happiness, that it was almost impossible to feel such... relief.

Only when the last wave of his orgasm had left his body in an almost tender, relaxing way did he loosen the grip he had on Snape, preventing him from moving. He moved his flushed face away, trying to catch his breath and feeling his tense muscles go faint. Severus took advantage of this weakness, slipping out of his embrace and propping himself up on his hands again.

Harry was barely able to open his eyes and when he saw the man's gaze on him, he lost his breath for a moment. He saw the desire in it. And tenderness. And something else... something hidden very deep, but shining with a warm glow from the depths of those amazing eyes. Touching him. Something like...

He felt Severus release the grip on his cock, letting it fall back onto his thigh, then he lifted his cum-covered hand to his mouth and...

Harry's eyes widened, unable to believe what he was looking at.

No! Severus couldn't... He just... Oh shit!

He watched with growing disbelief as the man parted his lips and stuck out his tongue, then ran it over his wet fingers, licking the semen from them. His eyelids drooped and his face showed nothing but pleasure at the moment, as if tasting Harry was an experience stronger than orgasm. As if this was the only way he could satisfy his desire.

Harry stared at him in deep disbelief, enchanted by the sight and expression on Severus' face, so different, so subtle... He knew that this incredible image would stay with him forever, that he would see it in his dreams, in waking life, everywhere. Severus licking, tasting his cum... It was almost more than he could take.

When there was no drop left on the man's wet fingers, the man lowered his hand and rested it on the floor, lifting his eyelids.

Flames. Pain. Delight. Longing.

Harry blinked, not sure if what he saw in the black pupils was real or if he had imagined it. Snape's eyes were still dark and deep, but this time there was something else in them...

Harry realized what it was when Severus suddenly leaned forward, dropping to his elbows and burying his face in Harry's hot neck.

And then he heard the words spoken in a quiet, hoarse voice: "Come back tomorrow night. I'll prepare a dinner. And... bring your pajamas and a toothbrush. If you want."

Harry couldn't help the warm smile that spread across his lips, because he knew that this time... he wasn't the one who'd been broken.

 

All I have is one last chance
I won't turn my back on you
Take my hand
Drag me down
If you fall then I will too

Swallow me under and pull me apart
I understand there's nothing left
Pain so familiar and close to the heart
Alone I stand a broken man
Come back down save yourself
I can't find my way to you
And I can't bear to face the truth

Holding the hand that holds me down
I forgive you, forget you the end

There's nothing left to lose
The fight never ends
I can't face the dark without you**

 

* "Dance with the devil" by Breaking Benjamin

** "Without you" by Breaking Benjamin